Cape Town day 6 & 7

While writing this I’m sitting on the floor of Cape Town International Airport, waiting for my flight home. Our flight has already been delayed by forty-five minutes, which makes me really nervous about our connection in JFK. Hopefully everything will be ok and I won’t lose my luggage. Anyways I didn’t get a chance to blog yesterday and I do have some notes about what happened and so I’ll start with yesterday…

First thing in the morning we went off to the UCT campus again to talk with Steve Vosloo(spelling?) and Maryanne Walton. During this talk we discussed key points from our research and had a conversation about the feasibility of what we’re trying to do. Which all and all was great conversation that challenged us to defend what we’re doing. Afterwards we had lunch at the UCT café and afterwards we had another conversation with a guy named Gary Marsden. He was a really interesting fellow who is trying to invigorate the gaming industry in South Africa. He’s sort of like the Ann of UCT, and even had a center called the ICT4D (I’m not sure my notes are correct in this but I have it meaning, Information Communitive Technology for Development). We had a great talk about the mobile market here in Africa and really how viral things can be amongst the townships. What was really funny was that he said that he had spent some time in New Hampshire, and when questioned about it I found out that he worked for Story Land!!! Haha I just found this pretty funny, and sort of strange about just how small the world really can be.

Afterwards we returned to 40 Winks to have a talk with a lady (whom I forget her name at the moment) who is deeply involved with animators around Cape Town and is trying to invigorate the industry here as well. What I really took away from this talk was, not only more information about how we could possibly go about our game, but we also talked about how big and hard this project really is. She called us “brave” which I thought was pretty interesting.

I’ve found in many of the conversations we’ve had with academics her e in South Africa, they are sort of taken back by our objectives and goals, but also equally as taken back by our findings and our knowledge of gaming and learning.

We were also able to finish off the night at this really neat “Cuban” restaurant down “Long Street,” which seemed to be pretty perfect for our final night here in Africa. The food was good, the atmosphere was amazing, and there couldn’t have been more smiles… or dancing… Ann always seems to work that into whatever trip we go on!

Ok as far as today goes we woke this morning to venture up Table Mountain. The morning was a bit too foggy to go all the way to the top, and so we went parts of the way up and took some pretty awesome pictures overlooking Cape Town. From there we went to this awesome like Harbor area where there were several street venders selling goods and a guy with a Seal… no joke a guy hanging out with a seal.

Afterwards we went to a Rape Crisis clinic, which was both good and bad. I’m not sure I’ve shared in the past how much crimes of rape and child abuse bothers me, but it does… ironically after taking on this project huh? Anyways we got some really great information, and insight as to why such things happen and the culture enabling it. From there it’s a pretty easy story, lunch, grabbing luggage, and well now I’m here at the airport. It’s raining like crazy outside, I just saw a luggage box blown off of it’s cart, and yea… it’s just a little bit cruddy. I’m still nervous, flights to where we’re headed go every three days… so yea this could be interesting!

I’ve been really trying hard to put into words how exactly this trip has been but in all reality there is no possible way I could describe that this trip was like. I was talking about it last night with Keith and Brian about this trip and how its really turned this project into something else for all of us. This is no longer just a flaky concept, this has become real for us. I can’t help but feel like it’s bigger then “just a game” and much bigger than any of us. We now have a face to Africa, and it’s exciting how much we all feel for it now. I still find it somewhat scary because, in my opinion, we can’t let this fail. Too much is at stake and too much good can come of this to let it slide. This is so far different than anything we’ve ever done (of course I’m making generalizations about the group), but this is bigger than any sort of class project where a grade is at stake. Thinking about returning to school and starting a new semester seems somewhat silly, as important as school really is to me, this is just… well I don’t want to say more important because I don’t want anyone to get the wrong opinion, I’ll still be diligent about my work at school, but this is something that will seep it’s way deeply into my life and has already seeped it’s way into who I am.

Before I left I blogged about changing, I knew that this trip would be pretty big, and I knew that I didn’t know just how big it was going to be. Epic would be an understatement about the scale of this trip, I’m still reeling with finally having a moment to try to think about some of the information we’ve received. I’m not going to lie, Its been a tiring journey because we’ve done so much in such little time, with no real time for processing all of this information. It should prove interesting these next couple of weeks as we all begin to really think about it all and remember things we didn’t pick up on while we were here. I’m beyond lucky in life, and this trip… has meant a lot to me in my own personal journey. As much as we learn about others, sometimes it’s good to recognize how much we learn about ourselves. So much this week I’ve introduced myself as a Senior Artist at Champlain College… I’m a Senior… This is it… what will I be in two semesters? Who will I have become? Will I have a job? Will I leave these amazing projects behind? Could I really?

As it is now I should finish up this post, I’ll probably be posting this by the time I’m already back in the states. I feel like I should say thank you or some other words of insight here but words have escaped me…

Thank you South Africa.

The Rapper, the Soccer player, and Me... Cape Town day five

Good Morning! I’m writing this post day five during breakfast this morning, and am not sure how much time I actually have, so I want to blog about yesterday as quickly as possible…

We went back to Sinethemba (the high school we went to the day before), to join in on a morning welcoming assembly. Unfortunately due to rain there couldn’t be an assembly so we just sort of toured the school. I was happy to see one of the learners that I had talked to the day before, I talked to two boys the day before (one being the “Rapper” and the other the “Soccer player”). The Rapper met us early and wanted to partake in the tour. It was immediately present that we had become considerably better friends then we were the day before. It was like seeing an old friend, we were able to joke and he wanted to lead me to see his classrooms and tell me the real “ins and outs” of the school. The Soccer player was able to meet us half way through, its so fun to see the contrast between the Soccer player and the Rapper. The Rapper is much more vocal and just extroverted, while the Soccer player was a little more reserved but so completely genuine. The tour of the school was really fun but we had to leave for lunch, but we said our good byes knowing we’d return later.

Ok lunch was an adventure! We went to Mophindi’s Butchery, at a place like this you go to the counter and order what sorts of meat you want in quantity of pounds... It’s all uncooked first and they cook it all for you before you eat it. While we were waiting we got an awesome tour from the Manager, he was a pretty interesting guy. He told us of a story of an American from Boston who had actually came to visit the townships in Khayelitsha. He really wanted to see inside one of the shacks and so the manager took him into the township to show him a friend’s place. While the Bostonian was talking to the manager’s friend, the friend started talking about his mother in the states. He pulled out a packet of letters from his mother to show the Bostonian the address… Only to find that the address was the address of the Bostonian’s neighbor, and that he actually knew the man’s mother! The Bostonian pulled out his cell phone and was actually able to call the man’s mother, and it was the first time they had talked in 20 sem-od years. It’s a small world, no?
Lunch consisted of a pile of meats, consisting of chicken, pork, beef, lamb, and sausage. No plates for all of us except for napkins, and no utensils… Image 20 Savage hungry Americans chowing down on a pile of meat in the middle of a township in South Africa. It was quite the experience and the meat was actually really good.

We went on a little tour before returning to the school, at the school we talked to two journalist before getting into our large group discussions. The journalist opinions were sort of interesting and yet it felt as though they had a jaded view of us and didn’t think that we had been as deep into Africa as we could have been. He may be right but we have done some pretty amazing things since we’ve come here, and I can’t help but feel like I’ve been able to get a better view of who these people are.

Afterwards we were supposed to do our large group discussion, I was supposed to facilitated 5-8 people in a discussion but when we made it to our room only two people had shown up. My friends the Rapper and the Soccer player. I was half disappointed, but really happy to be able to really talk one on one with them again. I can’t divulge the exact nature of our discussion but needless to say it was eye opening, and these two learners have such an insightful look into their own culture. I can’t help but feel I made some really neat friends of these two guys. When we left, we left with the intention of returning in the morning, which I’ve just learned that we now have to go back to UCT for some other interviews. Part of me knows this is a good choice for more information, but emotionally I really want to return to Sinethemba so say goodbye to my friends. I have their e-mail though and perhaps I’ll be able to talk to them again… hopefully anyways.

Yesterday night we returned to the V & A for dinner and some more shopping. I did some quick running around trying to find jewelry for Alicia… which I felt completely clueless about! Haha but yea afterwards we went to a restaurant and I had Ostrich again and Spring buck. Ok that’s what happened yesterday and I should really eat breakfast… Until later!

Cape Town... Day four

I’m trying to blog quickly before dinner, because I’m fairly certain I won’t be able to blog again later. So I’ll just jump right into it, this morning we split into two groups. Part of us went back to Langa (a township we visited earlier with my jumping friends) and in the afternoon went to an HIV clinic… yet the other part of us stayed at the bed and breakfast to talk to a guy named Mark Williams, who flew in from Johannesburg, and in the afternoon they went to a school at a township called “Fillipe” (spelling?!) to do small group interviews. I was apart of the group that stayed at the bed and breakfast and went to the school to do interviews.

Mark Williams was an interesting fellow, he created a sort of business game aimed to teach individuals entrepreneurship. We talked a lot about “disguised learning” and how businesses in the area are figuring out that everyone is getting tired of learning the same ways. As interesting as this was, it wasn’t necessarily pertinent to the UN project I felt. It was sort of reminiscent of our talks from Learning 2007, which was great and made some possibilities for the EMC I feel but again I’m not sure if it really related to our project at the moment. We actually had an opportunity to play his game, called “Vantage Point” which was actually really fun! We kept trying to make under the table deals with each other and this social aspects to this game really made this so much fun. This sort of social interaction kind of gave us some inspiration towards game design… this may be something that may be incredibly effective for our audience who is already playing social games in the first place. This sort of social interaction also enables one to personalize the information a lot easier as well.

On the way the way to the high school Ann was telling us a story about how she was talking with one of the people who works at the bed and breakfast that we’re staying at. After explaining the point of the project the woman actually said “Thank you for coming to South Africa.” This sort of hit home for us =)

My experience today at the school was amazing, I’m really not sure where to begin. I don’t think that I’m going to post the name of the two boys that I had the opportunity to talk to, for confidentiality purposes. Yet we were really able to have an in depth conversation over the course of about an hour and a half. Surprisingly we talked about some pretty intense issues, media, sex, “Manhood”, peer pressure, and even home lives. I don’t think I’ll share my findings here right now, I don’t have much time before I sleep so I think I’ll move on. Perhaps later I’ll tell you more details of what sort of things that I heard. Either way I’m going back tomorrow to facilitate a large group discussion with seven or eight young males possibly. I’m excited to go back and make more connections with these kids.

My final memory of the evening was going to a UCT dorm and talking with some of the college students going there. It was really kind of fun to have a casual conversation with people our age and they really seemed to be interested in what we were working on. They also invited us to come look at their rooms, they kept calling it a hostel but it really didn’t fit my preconceived notion of what a hostel is. We looked at a single and really it was about the size of a normal double back at Champlain. It’s crazy just how big UCT is! We’re pretty tiny =) Although we’re small, we do a great many and big things… Something that was really funny was the fact that they invited a couple of us out to go party with them at a bar that sold 1R shots… which would be maybe 13 American cents. I couldn’t imagine a worst idea haha but it was funny to think about.

I feel as though I’m breezing through all of the events today and for that I apologize, but there really aren’t any words for how amazing this all is… I’m hoping that I’ll be able to go further in depth over all of my findings at some point but for now I must sleep. G’night and thank you all for your support =)

Friends... Cape Town Day Three

Today was a pretty crazy day. It started relatively innocent enough; we went to the University of Cape Town to meet with someone there. Unfortunately the person’s car had broken down and was unable to meet us, and so we watched a local station for a while. This daytime drama was pretty weird, illustrating women as the ones who were asking for sex, and were liars as well. They also somewhat showed males as the weak person being bullied into such things. Kind of a twist on things no?

Afterward we went to the UCT book store, and while buying some shwag I met one of the students in line. He was buying accounting books for class, and so I asked him if he was studying math. I found that he was actually majoring in Engineering and is interested in electrical engineering sort of stuff. I wished him luck with his classes and we then went to the UCT cafeteria, there were different stations or venders in the cafeteria and I was just sort of lost about what to get. Standing their confused I found my friend again and so I approached him to ask him for guidance. He directed me towards the chicken burger (which was actually pretty decent), and then I got to talk to him further and he was really quite interesting. He actually grew up in a township and thinking about it, it is quite an achievement growing up from a township and making his way to actually study at the University. I can’t imagine the struggle he must have gone through in order to get where he is today. Much like the other children that I’ve met, I managed to get him to write his name in my journal; Mashilo Moabelo. It was really neat to make this contact and be able to talk to someone in the same position as I am (in schooling) and be able to see eye to eye. He’s currently taking six classes this semester and is very stressed… sound familiar? Mashilo had to go and so we said our farewells. While waiting for the group to get ready for the bus I noticed some kids sitting around a table playing a card game, I tried my best to be outgoing and went and talked to them as well. They were playing a card game called Klaw Chess (which is Dutch, there is a lot of Dutch influence everywhere in the area), still unsure of the rules but they were incredibly friendly.
From there our group piled back onto our bus and made our way to Ikamya Youth (an afterschool youth organization). There we met Joy and Luyanda, two incredibly interesting people who were running this innovative group. They are sort of the pilot program for other youth programs in the country. There is one specific program that we found to be incredibly interesting called “Media Image and Expression.” From this program “learners” (students) are able to “polish” their computer skills. Joy mentioned that in some respects learners attend the program because the computer lab is a safe place for these kids. Apparently there are a lot of gangs in the area, and recently some of the xenophobic violence have even touched this area. I’d urge people to visit their website, and their blog, through Ikamvayouth.org. I haven’t had a chance yet but I’m sure it’ll be enlightening. We gathered a lot of information from Joy and Luyanda but I’ll just post some remember able quotes (and information) from them here now.

June is the youth month.

“People are either infected or affected by HIV.”

“Educational games are the way to go.” ~Luyanda

“Mobile phones would be the best way to reach the children.” ~Joy

Next we were able to actually enter the class rooms of Ikamva youth and sort of observe and help out with the youth there. This was so extremely awesome… we were able to go around and actually help students with their homework, although some of the subjects being covered were ones we hadn’t seen since high school (Biology, algebra, and some history). I was able to go and talk with some students who were doing research on one of their computers. I talked to a boy named Themba about what he was working on, and he was actually working on a play with some other boys. In this play all the actors are animals and they felt that they could address equality through these animals because then everyone is an animal and there aren’t any racial lines. I asked them to elaborate on this and they spoke of the recent xenophobic violence in their community and they felt the incredible need to address some of these issues. I found this incredibly fascinating that these youth were really trying to address a monumental issue (yet I should be used to that sort of thing). Themba talked about games that he plays with his friends and one specifically is called Sastsan, in Sastsan (I don’t know the official rules or anything) there is a lot of singing and dancing including music from many different cultures (and places) to promote equality. It seemed as though these kids were really into community based play… I keep calling these new friends “Kids” yet I have to keep reminding myself that they were 20 years old. They looked much younger, and when I told them I am 21, they laughed! I was confused and asked why they thought it was funny, and they said that I looked much older physically. These “kids” were fascinating, they were running their own “Shi Shi Ravi” classes, and have made their own group called Tafari (meaning “Conqueror of Judah”). Tafari is meant to be a nonprofit youth organization that these 20 year olds are running… Fantastic…

I was also able to sit down and just chat with a boy named Khanyisa Gwangaa, and was able to have a really casual conversation with him and some of his friends. About all kids of things like movies, and even fun stories from home. They told me about their home lives and I talked about my own stories from the farm in which they loved =) Before I knew it I was laughing and joking with these kids without any problems… no kinds of social or cultural barriers percent, just two kids laughing and talking together. What I hadn’t noticed, until I started talking to people from our group again, I had started talking like them and I hadn’t realized it. My voice had become lower keyed, I talked with a different accent, and even my vocabulary had changed somewhat. I felt sort of silly and had to make a conscious decision to be like “oh wait this isn’t how I’m supposed to talk.” Yet as weird as this sort of was, I really valued it and felt as though it helped me connect with these new friends… Zinzi Maureni, Thabile Nelani, Aviwe Thyinkala, Banele Adam, and more.
Another little note on this there was this girl who was showing me pictures of her home from her camera. While showing me pictures she showed me one of this little girl, and I asked her if this was her sister. She then told me that the girl was her daughter… she’s 17 years old.

I’m incredibly lucky and touched to be here in this place. I also couldn’t help but think of home some today as well. I wonder how my America’s Army group is doing, and can’t help but wonder how our meeting with our presentation went in my CIMIT group as well. I hope they are well and striving forward, I can’t wait to talk to them when I get back. Through this my thoughts have also been to Alicia, hoping that she’s surviving training and how I wished she was here to share this experience with me. Also to my folks, and how I can’t wait to share this incredible experience with my family. So many are in my thoughts…

That’s enough for now…

Cape Town... Day Two

Today was a bit lower keyed then yesterday. We spent most of the day actually at the hotel having discussion groups with two interesting people about our goals, Raymond deVilliers from Wisdom Games and Tino (not sure of his last name) a graduate from UCT. This post won’t be too long, most of what we talked about were statistical data and theories of how our game could reach out demographic. A lot of the conversation turned to games that could possibly played on a cell phone. It’s really interesting; South Africa is actually ahead of the US in cell phone technology. Where we’d think a cell phone game would be typically played one someone is bored or waiting for the bus or something, this is actually their medium here. People may be playing on their phones in their home and even before bed. I’m still unsure how effective we can be in this medium, but either way we have to make something that will reach our demographic. I think I’ll include some quotes from my notes today, rather than go in depth on everything that was discussed.

Certain black children who grow up in well off homes and typically grow up with a “white accent,” are teased and called “Coconuts” black outside white on the inside.

South Africa began a large cell phone campaign, holding the belief that “Communication builds wealth.”

There’s a large anti-alcohol campaign that promotes “no drinking and walking.”

The people in South Africa are at the bottom of Maslow’s hierarchy, they are merely trying to survive. Therefore there aren’t many creative or innovative people.

The last major thing that I want to talk a little bit about was that we went back to V & A tonight to do a little shopping. I felt like I spent quite a bit of money but I have to keep remembering that it’s all in Rand, and the US dollar equals roughly 7.5R. So needless to say I found some pretty interesting things, but at one point one of the cashiers gave me the wrong change back on one item… Actually giving me 50 more rand back, I went back and fixed things and was feeling extremely positive about it. Sort of like a karma thing ya know? Then when I was on my way back to meet up with the group for dinner, and I was approached by a young male asking for change. He kept talking about how he needed to buy bread, so I reached into my pocket and tried to find the largest coin I could fish out for him. I didn’t want to give him all of my change and so I pulled out a 2 Rand coin. He began to beg me for more as I tried to back away, telling me that bread is 8 Rand and how he really needed it and that he was starving. By now my friends were already ahead of me and I was desperately trying to rejoin them and I kept refusing the man. Eventually the man gave up and I was able to move on, but not really… he really stuck with me and it bothered me a lot. I could have given him more Rand, and yet I couldn’t help but ask myself if he would really spend it on bread? Yet I feel like a horrible person for thinking so, and left having a sort of tension in my stomach that wouldn’t seem to go away. I then met up with everyone at our restaurant, which ended up being incredibly fancy. Looking at the menu seeing most meals at 70-150 Rand, I couldn’t help but feel completely horrible. I turned a blind eye to possibly someone in need to return to my privileged way of living. I just felt gross… and sort of lost my appetite. Granted the meal was fantastic and I was actually able to just call my folks to wish them a Happy Anniversary! Yet this feeling has stuck with me some, and I can’t help but feel just a little bit guilty.

Cape Town... Day 1

“Rest in peace, you’ve told us lots of stories…”
(A quote that is traditionally said in an African funeral)

Well it’s been my first official day in South Africa. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to actually blog so I’m blogging first and seeing if I’ll be able to upload these later. Or maybe it will be one long blog post at the end of the trip, but who knows. I guess I’ll start with the trip over, with a total of twenty-four hours of travel time and sixteen of that on a plane alone… we were all pretty exhausted to say the least. It was sort of an interesting experience, which I’m not sure how to explain. Either way we were pretty excited to actually reach land. My first actual glimpse of South Africa was of a sunset over Table Mountain, which was an amazing sight. The first night we went to this restaurant/bar called News City, which was pretty good and all but I was too exhausted to really enjoy it and I was excited to get back and get some sleep. Also the Forty Winks hotel is really nice, I have to share a bed with my roommate Keith but who really cares at this point. It’s just awesome to be here.

I slept hard through the first night and breakfast was pretty good, from there we headed straight to our township tour. This was a crazy experience… Not gunna lie it hadn’t really felt like we were in Africa yet. I was feeling sort of disconnected from this place until we visited this church, after visiting a youth center. First of all the church was in this large hanger like warehouse, painted aquas, blues, and purples, with loud speakers set up for the preacher (also there wasn’t a cross anywhere to be found). At first glance it was just sort of loud and overwhelming, with people singing and praying quite loudly. What shocked me most was what came next, a young man came up to be with his hands out, I wasn’t sure what he wanted until he took my hand in a hand shake. I then started to notice others were doing the same all over the church; everyone was embracing each other welcoming them including us… Many people, women and men, came to hug and shake our hands welcoming us. This was just very weird for me in a sense, I’m not much of a touchy feely person, but this was really kind of different. We continued from there into the actual township, to find that man older males who were not attending church had already begun drinking. It was hard to see the poverty of this place, what was harder to see was the children. They approached us tentatively at first, but then became interested and started to follow us. The first boy who I interacted with sort of hung around me for a while and kept trying to get into my pictures. Yet when he asked for money, and I refused, he left looking sort of embarrassed. I felt sort of bad after the encounter too, sort of like I had done something wrong. Yet other soon came and I began to interact with them. Two such boys were very funny, as they ran and play fought with each other constantly. What worried me though was the fact that they kept marbles in their mouth, not sure if they were chewing on them or what but we were all nervous that they were going to choke or something.

I made two interesting friends, one named Theo, the other I couldn’t understand and am unsure that he even spoke English. What touched me the most was when we began to play, it was simple at first and I didn’t really think too much about it until they kept urging me to play with them some more. Really it was nothing, they would hold my hands as I walked and they would say “1, 2, 3, JUMP!” and as they jumped I’d sort of strong arm their jump higher, shooting them into the air. Before I knew it other boys began fighting for my attention and it was… well… fun and neat to sort of make a quasi connection with these kids half way around the world. I’ve been able to make connections with kids before back in the states, but it was fun to see some of the same mentalities in these kids. Enforcing the fact of how similar we really are. I let the kids write their name in my journal because I knew I couldn’t remember them by myself. These are some of the friends I made today Theo, Lantu, Sinazo Leke, Sisipho, Esoha, Akons, Sikota, Habonka, and Zukhaye.

What was hard to think about later was the fact that the reason why so many of these kids were so attached to many of us were because they just don’t really receive much attention elsewhere. Most of their Mothers have died of HIV and in most cases these kids are made to stay with elder family members and such. It is really weird to think about how far different American childhood is to this one township, we’re always told not to talk to strangers let alone play with them, and these kids are not only just wandering the streets alone but warmed up to us quite quickly. It was also sort of hard leaving, getting on the bus afterward I pulled out a bottle of Purel. Many of the other kids around were asking for some and I knew that I needed to as well, but I felt sort of guilty about it… sort of like I was washing my hands of them and returning to my fortunate life… while they go back to return to not much at all.

Afterward we went and had lunch by the harbor, I had the “Earth and Sea” which consisted of chicken wings, sausage, French fries, and calamari… interesting to say the least. From there we got onto a Ferry to Robben Island (spelling), where the large Apartheid prison where Nelson Mandela was held. Not gunna lie, I crashed on the boat ride over, but then upon waking up I realized just how high the wake was as we made our way to the island. These swells weren’t really for anyone who gets just a little sea sick. Anyways the Prison tour was pretty interesting, and I guess the island was also a Leper colony before it was a prison… Anyways I got some really interesting pictures, and even managed to see some penguins! I guess I don’t have too much to say about the island it’s self, it was pretty scenic and stuff, and educational for sure. Looking at my notes I wrote something about how there was one inmate (who’s name I forget at the moment) who wasn’t allowed to actually speak to anyone for several years… and when he would see his fellow inmates at a distance he would grab some dirt and let it run through his hands. This was his way of saying, “You are the Sun and the Earth, you mean everything to me. Fight until you get the land back.” (Or something like that ) I also found it odd that the tour guide kept referring to people as comrades, which makes most Americans think of Russians… go figure.
Afterwards was an amazing Dinner by the harbor. I sort of went all out and had Antelope and local wine… pretty awesome =) I’m trying to keep this as short as possible, even though this is already fairly long, so I’ll be ending it here. Either way this was a pretty intense day and was the first day I really felt “In Africa” and in some way apart of it.

Changes in latitude, changes in attitude…

(Last time I was overseas was in Germany 2006, visiting my friend "Hanz")

I'm actually in the process of making the final preparations for South Africa, and I'm still in somewhat shock thinking that oh yea... I'll be leaving the country tomorrow, to go to Africa for ten days on a research project funded by the United Nations... HOLY CRAP! I've been able to distinctly say before that I haven't had the typical college experience and now, well school is still very much a big part of my life but there's this whole new professional in me and dedication to things much larger than I can fathom. It was really an interesting day, I found it odd before switching thought processes between America's Army and CIMIT, and today I was bouncing between AA, CIMIT, and this UN project. It's really interesting switching gears from project to project, and being involved with some drastically different themes.

Speaking on that I had a pretty good talk with the two members of my America's Army team that will be spear heading this final push for our map. I have a lot of faith in them, and I think we came up with some really good approaches. I think their strength could come from support of other's at the EMC, I've heard interests in helping us out and the more eyes on it the better really. It's hard for them, one has to leave by Thursday of next week while the other is moving to Montreal on Friday. This will be a crunch time in all meanings of the word. Both are designers and I think they have a good grasp of how to fix the game play mechanics, I also feel that things need to be drastically added to the visuals as well to really bring home the "Shock and Awe" we're hoping to achieve. I have faith and I will try to support them as much as possible, and they will undoubtedly be in my thoughts.

I've talked about tipping points before, and I can't help but feel like I'm on the cusp of a new one in my life. I've talked about sociology and the "five agents of socialization" and truly believe that we are made up of our experiences. This ideal drives me to do much of things that I do and I can't help but feel as though this trip to South Africa will undoubtedly change me some. When I say change I don't mean in a negative context, we're always changing and growing. In this respect I wonder how things will feel returning, I know I haven't even left yet but to come back from being apart of what I'm about to experience... it should be fairly interesting.

I'm not sure what else to say, and I'm not sure when I'll be bloging next... I'm off to face a whole new adventure, and see life on the other side of the world. Also I know I've been negative lately and I'd like to thank everyone for their thoughts and comments. It means a lot =)

Getting back up isn't the hardest part...

So I had intended my next blog post to be positive, and in all reality was feeling sort of guilty that my last post was such a downer... yet I'm not in the greatest of moods. We finally had a phone conference with the AA guys, only to hear another harsh critique of our map, one that we could have had earlier. There are certain elements in our map that we like, but they find broken. Mainly it evolves around the center market, such a topic we've had heated debates in the past and a specific part of the map that I enjoy. There were certain things that had happened during their play test, that hadn't happened in ours and well as much fun we had playing our map I guess they didn't in the big scheme. They suggested a major overhaul and intense work be put into our map, as well as more polish. I guess this is a good experience when dealing with a client, where your views may not always meet, in the big scheme of things I can't help but think that maybe it's good for us. My concern is that we only have one week to do something drastic... this is another moment where we really have to "shock and awe," we've done it before and hopefully we can do it again. The frustraiting part is that so far only two members of my team can definitly be commited to it during the next week. What's equally as frustraiting is that I'll be in South Africa and unable to help for the most part. This is an intensely frustraiting moment for me and yea I can't help but worry. It's not that I don't have faith in my group, I do, it just stinks to not be appart of it I guess. On another level they are both Designers, where I hope they'll be able to have an artist's touch in some aspects. It hurts that I have to be so hands off for this last and most important week... expecially since I have become quite attached to it. I'm hoping that from the support from others at the EMC that maybe we can pull it through.

I have many mixed emotions after this meeting... I am happy for the other group, they still have some things to tweek but in a sense they have pretty much gotten the "Ok we'll publish your map." It also seems as though Champlain will be throwing a block party for them if their map is published, something we would do without... we would be forgotten. Would our efforts be in vain? Sure we had learned through the experience, and well perhaps we don't deserve recognition for attempting the risky map. I also can't help but contribute this to my own failure in a sense, perhaps I'm nothing without working with other extremely talented individuals. Have they been carrying me all this way? Had I been wrong all along about this map? Had I wrongly influenced my team in a bad direction?

There's a certain feeling of helplessness with being unable to be there with my team during these crucial hours. This is another moment where we have to get back up, and now I see that getting back up isn't the hardest part, it's watching your team try without you.

Awake

We were told my grandfather wouldn’t wake up… Since Friday I had been expecting the worst and just sort of waiting to hear it. Preparations were even already underway and it broke me somewhat… For a moment I felt the weight of two worlds colliding and I was left speechless… thoughtless… I wasn’t sure what to do. Beyond preparing for South Africa I’ve become lost in CIMIT. It’s like I’m trying to see through a dense fog of uncertainty. Yet I see light. Somehow my grandfather has woken up, he just talked to my Dad on the phone. I’m not sure of the specifics but I guess it doesn’t really matter… He’s alive.

Through my elation though, I’ve just had a very interesting conversation with a friend who works for the EMC, which left me unsure of what to think. He seems frustrated, and spoke of how there were certain “favorites” at the EMC and me specifically being one of them. I guess he had wanted dearly to be apart of the AA project and UN as well, (not to mention being apart of the “EMC Road show”) two of which I’ve been chosen for. I can’t help but feel guilty, part of me says I shouldn’t because I’ve worked hard to get where I’m at, and yet the other part of me that says I should feel guilty… well I still can’t quite find a reason why. Am I being greedy for wanting/hoping to be picked for more conferences? I’m beginning to think I might be. I’ve never bloged about how I can tell there’s a stigma surrounding me now, that’s been with me since Learning 2007. It adds a certain awkwardness with new groups and leaves me second guessing what people think of me. My friend says it’s just jealousy, something he needs to get over. I just hope there isn’t more animosity with him or others, but I suppose that’s normal when it comes to being somewhat successful. Sometimes I feel like saying it’s not easy, I don’t have all of the answers, I’m far from perfect, my art is mediocre, and I don’t really have a “plan.”

But who am I kidding, no one would believe it…

I’ll stay the path because it’s all I know…

INTERFACE INTERFACE INTERFACE!

(CIMIT Interface Concepts, click to enlarge)


So here’s what I know… It appears that my grandfather had a “massive stroke,” as daunting as that sounds I guess it isn’t too bad. Last I knew he was responsive, knew where he was, had strength on the left hand side of his body but is fairly weak on the other. There is no internal bleeding or anything and by the sounds of it they are just going to get him into rehab as soon as they can. Half of his face isn’t drooping or anything and so I guess this is the best news possible. I still feel bad that I’m not there, but I’m continuing on with life as normal…

And as far as that goes all I have to say is INTERFACES, INTERFACES, INTERFACES!

This has been a truly new thing for me, as I have never really thought too heavily on interface design, interfaces was new for me several weeks ago because it was the first time I had thought about layout and functionality… now it’s turned into design, use of color, and consistency. I’m not going to lie, it’s been fairly frustrating experience for me but I have learned much because of it. As you can see my interface designs have come a long way in a week and with interface 6 and 7 I really believe that I’m finally heading the right direction.

As far as CIMIT goes that’s pretty much it for me as it is now, on the other hand I’ve been thinking a lot about Africa. It was really strange to realize that I’ll be flying out next week, suddenly things got very real and still feels very odd that I’ll be heading there very soon. I’ve started trying to make a list of what I should bring, what I should be looking for, and really organizing my thoughts because this is going to be our own shot to see our demographic… and we must make the most of it. I can’t stop thinking about the Sabido Method and how we can get this to apply to what we’re trying to do. Today I’m doing more research on it because even on this we’ve only really scratched the surface.
Oh! Today is also the three month anniversary of dating Alicia now!!! So yea, that’s fun =)

Alright that’s enough for now…

Ups and downs

In a meeting today I got a txt from my Mom that my grandfather had a stroke today at 3:10 pm. I called her shortly after but we really don't know much of anything, I asked if I should come home and she thought I should stay here for now. It's hard to not be home when something like this happens, and when something like this does happen it makes you realize that you aren't there.

For now I'm just waiting to hear more...

Heroes...

I see how powerful being a positive influence can be… Earlier today I had planned on blogging about who or what I consider a hero might be. I just left a session on the Sabido method presented by Bill Ryerson, President of Population Media Center, and this has only fueled my thoughts much further. I’ll start with my initial thoughts though… I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the “good” in people and specifically heroes and role models and the power of “influence.” This all began with a blog post that I read here Blindfolded , about “Heroes never die…” This was a really intriguing post about heroes and role models in everyday people and the impact it can make on another. This really got me thinking, and it seemed as though things in my everyday life was adding to these thoughts. Morning before work the other day, I turned on the TV and left it on as I was making my morning coffee and there was an infomercial on. There was a guy talking about how much god has helped in through life and about his new book. He proceeded to tell a story about how he had received a lot of guidance from a friend of his, who was then later shot and killed. This influenced his book, and very recently he had received a message from his friend’s family talking about how much the book has helped them through their crisis, not knowing their connection with the author he met with them and explained how much his friend had helped him through his time of crisis. It ended up being a circle of support and his next comment threw me off base… “Isn’t God wonderful?!” This bothered me a little bit. I’m not extremely religious by any means, but I don’t discredit that there is a god, but I couldn’t help but feel as though there wasn’t faith in a person’s ability to do good in another’s life. I have this intense belief that when you put belief in yourself and others it’s truly the people who are doing much of the “good” in this world, and if you have to call that god’s will I guess that is your own prerogative but what I suggest is a little more faith in the capacity of people.

I’ve also just finished “Starwars: Knights of the Old Republic 2,” I know I’m a nerd, but I was honestly surprised about many of the morals expressed through the game. I played as the “Light” or “Good” side of things, where you do have the options of being “bad,” but I found many of the dialog cues and actions represented things that I may say or do in a real situation. Your character has a “shady” past and there is a point where you are asked that if you could have changed what you did in the past would you? One of the replies was something along the lines of “No, those decisions and choices have made me into the person I am today.” I almost laughed at this because I couldn’t help but think “Well that’s a very Wesley thing to say.” A final point from the game rang true to me and have really got me thinking… A big part of your character in the game is the fact that your character can make connections easily with others in the world and that your character easily takes their friend’s pain as their own and gathers strength from others. Of course this was explained in relation to the “Force” and was to the extreme but a big part of the game was to explain that your character wasn’t doing this necessarily through this fictitious force but because you’re a natural leader. This really rang true to me and my thoughts of the relations of leaders and followers in today’s world. I was once told by a friend, professor, and colleague (yes all of that in one person) that I needed to be very careful of my influence on others, because I do this inherently when I talk and present my ideas. I have the possibility to possibly even convince others of my ideas even if they are wrong. This almost made me think a little, and have made me more cautious in a group setting, and just because I get excited about something doesn’t mean that it’s the right path. Anyways some of what this game was saying is really true, what makes a hero? It isn’t the force, it isn’t super natural nuclear abilities, it’s the person and who they truly are.

What makes a hero? I can see it every day, it’s going that extra step for someone, it’s karma, being a role model in someone’s life, and being a little selfless along the way. Heroes, real heroes, aren’t perfect… but that’s ok and that is what makes people whole. It’s ok if they fall or stray from the path, as long as they follow their path and have the ability to learn from this falls to help become a better person. As Bill Ryerson would put it, it’s a person’s “Ego Strength” (a person’s ability to deal with setbacks), and “Ego Drive” (a person’s ability to get over barriers). Perhaps it’s all about inner strength… This inner strength and the ability to drive yourself further may consequently also influence others to do the same.

For example, two up in coming artists just sat down at the same computer pod as me and literally just said “Oh hey, I feel as though we haven’t officially said hi yet… Your kind of someone we admire from a far.” I find comments like these daunting and somewhat scary at times… The idea that I can be someone that others aspire to is scary! I’ve heard comments like these before and it’s always something that resides in the back of my mind… As much as I’m humbled by this, there’s a lot of pressure there and sometimes it’s somewhat lonely feeling as though you have to be the one on top most of the time. Leading is exhausting… sometime everyone has to follow as well… And as much as I may influence others, it’s the thought that I am that encourages me to continue the path I walk. I always found this quote neat,

“I was what others did not want to be. I went where others feared to go and did what others failed to do. I asked nothing from those who gave nothing and reluctantly accepted the thought of eternal loneliness ....should I fail. I have seen the face of terror, felt the stinging cold of fear; and enjoyed the sweet taste of a moments love. I have cried, pained, and hoped... but most of all, I have lived in times others would say were best forgotten.
At least someday, I will be able to say that I was proud of what I was...”

Who have I been? I’ve been and continue to be a great many things =)

OK so some last minute thoughts about the Sabido discussion we had earlier today… This may or may not make sense to those who don’t know the Sabido method and maybe I’ll blog more in depth about what exactly I’m talking about later… The main question I began to think about was “Can players play a transitional character?” I think that’s how players play now in RPGs like Fable, SW KOTOR 1&2, Mass Effect, and even GTA. I think we could develop a system where rather then the game being neutral it would show obvious tendencies towards positive actions and characters, and negative consequences. Mass Effect is a great example of allowing players non-violent solutions and rewarding them for it. I remember that at one point my “Charisma” was so high that I could talk a hostile down out of a fire fight… alleviating me from fighting and coming to a peaceful solution. If we could incorporate an engaging mechanic that allows the user to play their role and commit any actions that they’d like but influence them through negative and positive characters in the game, this could be really effective. We could tie this into the behavior change example that Bill Ryerson showed us… “Pre-contemplation, contemplation, intention/determination, action, and advocacy and maintenance”. Tying these into real life stories and accounts could make this very real for our demographic. Making positive connections in this game could very easily translate into their real life. I’m feeling a lot better about our goals, this is something that could really work through the sabido method. Bill Ryerson also spoke of how our project could have historic implications, and I think I’m beginning to see it:)

Faith

(Tree Hut concept that's a work in progress. I've been experimenting with water reflections and atmospheric fog.)

I see that it is ok to feel defeated... I just got out of a debrief meeting with my America's Army group. We have still yet to hear what will officially become of our map, but I have high hopes. That is sort of the point of this post I think... Having high hopes. Leaving today, and lately in general, I'm beginning to feel... well old I think. It sort of feels like defeated but that's not really what I'm trying to explain. I think what I really mean is that I just feel war torn, battered and maybe bruised, but a veteran because of it. It was interesting hearing the reflection of other group members about their experiences and working in the Emergent Media Center and being apart of this group and much more at the EMC has given me quite a bit more experiential learning to base my thoughts off of. I've learned a lot from everything I've done and been involved in but it's neat to see some realizations that I've already had because of other projects sort of pop up in others. Our discussion led to many things today but something it brought me back to something I thought quite a bit about and that was the short period of time after the phone conference we had with AA, the one where they were incredibly concerned with our map... the lowest moment for our group. I learned a lot from that short period of time, after that phone conference I felt crushed. If you've read the Five Dysfunctions of a Team, I'm most like Jan... When I work on something it's my baby, and I had worked really hard on the map. When they criticised the map, they were criticising me... Yet as I looked to my other group members I could see the looks of concern on their faces, and I knew this would be the tipping point. This would be where we would make or break it. I couldn't allow myself to be a downer at this moment, for this moment was the most crucial. I whispered to Joel that we're staying for a meeting and I'll be right back. As everyone else began to file out of the room, I found that I had to compose myself before I went back to try to address the group. I went to the bathroom and splashed water on my face, and I remember looking back at myself. I could see the fear and frustration in my own eyes. I knew I had to wash it away. When I returned to my group it was pretty obvious that moral had hit an all time low. We looked defeated, we felt defeated, but I didn't want to allow myself to show that I was. That was the moment we came up with a drastic plan, with such drastic measures such things had to be done. Some of these things meant that we'd have to delete weeks of work, but it had to be done. After we left from that meeting it still felt pretty rough, but I didn't have any doubts that we would succeed. Falling may be inevitable sometimes, we just have to get back up. We have to believe... I really into the concept of "Belief," yet when I talk about it I don't necessarily mean that you should believe in god or any other faiths. I mean that you need to be able to believe in yourself, and put a little faith in others too. I remember getting frustrated with my group mates and telling them that even though I came up with a lot of answers, that didn't mean they were the right ones or that I had all of them. It was great after this, group participation increased, and some real constructive ideas came out of it. Our group needed to fall a little, in order to become stronger.

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A little while back I think I blogged about "The Secret" and the methodology behind it was that if you wanted something really bad, you have to picture yourself having it... you have to have no doubts that you will achieve whatever "thing" you want the most. I've applied this to my life, sort of, believing that maintaining a good humor on things will only bring good things your way. Yet I do think it's become bigger, in my view. This may sound sort of weird but ever since I was little I had this belief in my head that someday I'm going to do something big. I remember talking to my Mom about it, and I remember saying that I wasn't sure what it was going to be but it would be big. I've carried that with me, I've never really doubted it and somehow it's settled into the back recesses of my mind. I've already found that sometimes a little action may have a big effect, and I think I'm on the path to my goal. I've accomplished a lot thus far, and am increasingly excited about my upcoming projects. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you have to believe in yourself and your abilities. You have to be able to jump and reach outside of your comfort zone at times. I had no doubts that our map would somehow prevail, and even though it's yet to be decided upon by AA I couldn't be happier with the results. I have little doubt about the UN and CIMIT project and that's exciting...

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See it's ok to feel tired, worn, beat up and defeated... but never show it, because that's not really who you are.

Humbled...

(Eagle's Cliff on a hazy day)

I see that sometimes people need the smallest things... bear with me this may be a long one...


I have been thinking for quite sometime now, to give you a reference probably a few years, about social interactions. One kind that I find the most fascinating is when two males, that don't know each other, pass by one another... Or even if they do know each other a little bit it can be a bit strange. Several things may happen, first of all there's an awkward moment where one considers whether or not we are willing to make eye contact. When we decide against it, we may grit our teeth, keep that "I can kill" expression on your face and continue on like the other doesn't exist. BUT! if we decide to make eye contact there are many other rules one may follow. First of all there is the general head nod, making eye contact and then continuing on. BUT! if we decide to say something, immediately our voice has to go just a little lower (to show our masculinity), we maintain eye contact, and the most we say is "How's it goin?" Funny statement as that is... being a question... yet when asked no one ever really expects to get an answer. Instead what is really being said is "I acknowledge your existence," as I continue on my day. I find it fun to play against the rules with something like this... my neighbor, who I've yet to officially meet, keeps bumping into me in the hall way. I've slowly worked him up to a "How's it going," before he nervously continues on. He's sort of squirrely. This bring me to a point about my day. At the end of a long day of somewhat depressing research, I decided to go for a walk. As I walked by the river I walked by two girls talking to one another (they were probably around my age), a women walking her dog, and a middle aged couple. Nothing too out of the ordinary but what came next was, as I approached I saw a man with long, somewhat ratty, black hair, dressed sort of punk-ish, and definitely older. Here came my dilemma, do I make eye contact or do I pretend he doesn't exist. I was prepared to stare straight ahead, yet as he got closer somehow I changed my mind at the last minute. I looked at him, I saw his old weathered face, faded tattooed arms, and clothes to match. Yet as I looked at him, he looked back at me and I couldn't help but crack a smile and say hi as I passed. As I did his face shattered a smile and his longing eyes thanked me as I continued on. I'm fairly certain this man was homeless, and I don't think the two girls, women walking her dog, the middle aged couple, or anyone else on this path had acknowledged his existence. Maybe all he needed was someone to see him... I'd like to think so.

This past week has been a very interesting one, it started with a hike with my Mom up Eagles Cliff back home. Sometimes it's hard to visit home, I enjoy it though... things are simpler for me there and I do miss it. Yet I have another life now that I had to return to, a life that is creative and fun but all the while can scare me nonetheless. It's hard talking about other things that happened this past week other than a talk that I had with someone whom I really respect. As always I've recently have had my fair share of worries of the present and the future in my life and he managed to take some time to sit with me and talk. What he said surprised me quite a bit... He talked of what I have done and continue to do, who I am in his eyes and others, and he talked about his faith in me... and this shook me to my core. For quite sometime now I've relied on my own faith at times, sure my folks believe in me and that's all well and good but to hear someone of his stature state it humbled me. I wasn't sure what to think about it for a while... he helped me shed away some of the fog that life had spread over my eyes and I began to get a glimpse of my effect on others as well. I feel somewhat pompass writing this, I don't want others who read this to think that I'm just inflating my own ego and I don't suppose there's a way to make you think otherwise. This is all just something I need to get off my chest. Looking at what I've done and continue to do, it's quite a task. I can see the magnitude of most of it and it's fairly daunting. Yet I've begun to see that hard problems and tough situations seem to have become my forte. As scary as it may be, it's equally as exciting and I can't let fear swallow me whole. As I sat at Ann's house (Saturday Night), playing Wii with her family, some friends from the EMC, Lauren, and my girlfriend I couldn't help but feel so very adult. It felt so natural though and I really couldn't be happier with where I am and the friend's I've got. I've felt very alone in the past, yet have had the strength to continue on my own accord. What that talk helped me realize is that I'm not so alone as I might think, I still have to stand on my own two feet mind you, but there are others around to help tell me which foot goes first. Maybe that's all I needed, to know that I had been seen.

I don't regret anything... and it's taken me a while to get to that point... to here.