Roads less traveled

I dug my fingers into the soil, searching for a better grip. I could feel the grit reaching up underneath my nails and I took hold of the loose earth. My calves quivered under the strain, and my feet slid slowly on the soft ground. I wiped my brow, reached for another hand hold, and new positioning for my feet. This time a rock would hold my grip... I felt a little better about my current placement. I took a moment to catch my breath, and I looked back down the way I came. I couldn't help but laugh a little...

"Why did you choose to go this way Wes?" I had to ask myself... but I knew the answer. I had grown tired of the nicely groomed trails, all with benches to rest on every few hundred feet and... well... people. I found it sort of silly that if I was going to climb a mountain, the way before me would be paved. I found this "trail" off to the side of the paved on, and I couldn't resist. This was a bit more like what I was used to.

I swung myself up higher, this time finding a root of a tree to hold onto. Sure it didn't help that I was a little bit frustrated this afternoon. My plans for the evening, which included me being social for once, had fallen through and I found myself alone once more looking for some way to pass the time. Why not go hike a mountain alone, find a sketchy trail that goes straight to vertical, haven not drunk water all day and refusing to bring more, but not to worry... I brought a camera. Mom would be proud.

It felt nice to be outside "in the woods." As far outside as I could be anyways in my current position. There was a faint breeze, and I'd try to capture as much of it as I could to cool me down. It was probably the first really hot day for me in Montreal, and my mind instantly went to a lake and a kayak. Unfortunately such things are but day dreams now, or perhaps something to drive to on the weekends.

I pulled myself up, I had finally reached the top... of this little hill anyways. Feeling accomplished I continued on some rocks, to what looked to be a clearing through the trees. As I hiked up higher I couldn't help but think that if I was homeless, this would be where I would go. At that moment I looked up to find a shadowed hole underneath a fallen boulder. I waited a moment, hoping my eyes would re-adjust just enough for me to make out what or who might be inside. No such luck though... Normally I'd be concerned about finding a bear or other woodland creature, but not so much here. Instead I was a little concerned about finding a person. Is it weird if I preferred a bear?

I had to make my way past the hole, and as I got closer, finally I could see a bit inside. It was empty of course; spare some garbage and maybe something used for bedding. Perhaps someone else got the same idea of where to stay. I couldn't let my apartment hunting woes get the best of me; I shook the thought out and continued upward.

I was feeling pretty accomplished at this point, with all of this city walking, and poor diet, I've begun to lose a little weight. This short hike was actually pretty easy; ignore the part where I hiked up the cliff face. I could see now that I was almost to the clearing; a breeze picked up and welcomed me as I made it out. I wasn't at the top, but it was close enough for me and well... I'm pretty sure there would be plenty of others at the top and this place had some seclusion to it. I was rewarded with a terrific view of the city, I smiled and pulled the camera out from around my neck. "This will be an excellent picture for my blog," i thought to myself... lame I know.

Sure enough I turned on the camera, only for it to inform me that the batteries were dead. There was a bit of cold irony to it, to the day in general. I laughed, what else was I to expect? Something to go my way? I realized then that this moment and this view would have to be mine alone. I took it in and appreciated it... I couldn't help but be a little sad that I couldn't seem to escape the sounds of people. Yet I had been able to escape people for at least a little while. Don't get me wrong, this may sound as though I'm pretty miserable. Quite the contrary, there are many things that are going well for me right now... mostly work. My social life could use a little tweaking but I think this is soon to change.

I used my shirt to whipe away the sweat from my brow and face. It was time to head back down the mountain and back to civilization... back to my life as it stands now.

Identity

My eyes drifted to the clock. I was anxious and couldn't wait for the end of the day... and then it came. Five O'clock Friday afternoon came and I was ready to leave work for the weekend. Today was different, I had something to look forward to... I had somewhere to go. I said myau revoirs to my co workers, as they chuckled at my anxiousness and my large bag I had slung over my shoulder. I was so eager I passed right by the stair well, laughing at my forgetfulness I went down and exited the building. It was sunny, ironically after all this rain the day that I had to be somewhere the sky opened up and smiled. I smiled back and went along my way.

It was a bit more awkward squeezing by the ticket terminal and finding my place on the metro. I was lugging a large army bag my Mom had given me to use since college. This bag seemed to have no bottom and I could fill it with anything, today though it was dirty laundry. With me, of course, I also carried my man bag. Inside this I kept items I felt I might need for work, and today two extraxbox controllers . I'm fairly certain I looked goofy, as I stood, smiling with my luggage... waiting for my stop. Which was a bit further today than usual.

I took a moment, and studied those who rode the train with me... as I usually did. Noticed the slight changes in types of passengers as we went further out of the areas I was used to traversing. One lady in particular made me extremely curious. She sat across from me, hair done up, holding her bag under red painted nails. Her face looked a little distressed, but with held at the same time. It's really quite amazing how much we can give off about what we are thinking by just our faces. I'm used to watching people practically want to sing along to their music, or watch their expressions change as an epic moment happens in their books. This lady though, she was in her own world today. I noticed several times she straighten her fingers, swayed them lightly, and shook her head,almost to say "No" or "That's it, I'm done." Of course I have no clue what was troubling her, but as much as she tried to hide he... she wasn't doing a very good job. I hope that perhaps she's well now.

I left the metro, and walked back out into the sun. My smile returned as I remembered my destination. At first I was a little turned around, as this was only my second time coming in to this station. I got my barrings though and lugged my self and my luggage along with me as I headed towards a football field. I passed briefly inside the gates, and noticed the set of apartment buildings where I knew I had been before... Then there it was. My smile was unmistakable now, the hair raised up on my forearms, and goose bumps rippled my skin. Grass had started to grow around the tires, but Jarvis was right where I left him. It was almost like seeing an old friend, and finding that both your friend and your friendship hadn't changed one bit. I got in, set up Tom, myiTouch... My hands grabbed around the bumpy steering wheel cover, some bumps now missing, but I still find plenty of character in this car. As I started the car, and adorned my sun glasses, I couldn't help but whisper "Hello." A greeting to an old friend... a representative from a previous life... and then we were off.

As silly as this might sound but while there were many things I was looking forward to, Grandma's cookies ranked pretty high on the list... as ironic as that sounds. It took me quite sometime to get out of the city, but it felt good once I was. The environment opened up and I could see green all around. Open farm fields that reminded me of a time where cows were not a foreign creature by any stretch of the imagination. I practically felt giddy as I began to see the flat land scape start rolling up into hills and finally mountains... I was going home. Only not quite home home, but home to New Hampshire and some family.

I've come to realize that in most times in my life I seem to maintain a duality inside myself. Two parts of me that make up the whole, but twoseparate identities nonetheless. In college it was sort of like my "gamer" side and my "Residential Assistant/Peer Adviser" side. People would know me as one side or the other, and I could be recognized for each and separate identity. I found it strange yet sort of fun. Keep in mind though that these two identities aren't ones that compete with one another, but rather they learn to live symbiotically witheachother. This still hasn't left me... The identities I find now are of my past life and my current one. Neither compete, but both come together to make up the whole... to make up me. It had been a while since I had been able to be my other half, and well... going away made me realize that it was still there and that I needed it... even missed it.

While it was sad leaving on Sunday, knowing it may be some time since I can play with that part of my life again I knew I had to return. This is who I am now, but I'll always be the Farmer, Grandson, Cousin, and Son that I've always been.

Eleven days in...

Today is my eleventh day in Montreal. I've started to develop a bit of a routine, but have yet to feel settled. It's hard knowing that I'll be moving again at the end of the month, harder still that I'm nervous about making a good impression... hoping that perhaps this won't end in December.
I'm feeling better about work, I was already really happy with the environment don't get me wrong, this is more of I'm feeling better about myself at work. I seem to be picking up 3Ds fairly well, I think it's more of the implementation that has got me worried. I've been doing just some busy work lately, but I'm definitely ok with it... It makes me feel productive... Like I'm actually contributing.

I won't lie, I've been feeling a bit lonely as of late... but I knew this was going to happen. It will all get better but for now I'm sort of alone. I'm not focusing on it though, I'm trying to give this place a chance. It's got potential, I just gotta meet some people maybe...

I will tell you one thing that's bothering me, the amount of homeless people. It's so hard because it not only happens all the time, but to walk by and not acknowledge a person just feels sort of wrong. For some reason I can't help but think of that boy in Langa (I think) who asked me for money. It makes me wonder about these people, do they have families somewhere? What is their story? Do you ever think that you might have met or known someone who might end up like that? Who knows? Not I, but I sure do think a lot.

Well this is just another night in for me... at least I brought my xbox =)

Later!

In my Shoes...

I wake... my room is freezing. Making it incredibly hard to remove myself from my covers, and yet the beeping alarm on my watch beacons and reminds me that I have work to do. I stumble out of bed, grab some clothes that might be good to wear for the day and head for the shower. I tip toe around as I am the first to wake, why am I afraid to wake my roommates when I hardly know them? Well... wouldn't you be? I fumble the nosel on the shower, still sleepy and confused I always seem to have a hard time managing to get the water warm. Eventually my brain kicks in to remind me that the cold and the hot water faucets are backwards...

Once dressed I make one more check of my laptop before convincing myself that I'll be late if I don't leave right that moment. I put on my head phones before I'm out the door, familiar music seems to make the walk that much more enjoyable. As I step outside I put on my sunglasses, both to shield my eyes from the sun, but also to shield my curious eyes from others. I've found that I tend to be more curious on my journey then others.

I walk at a brisk pace that matches the beat of my music, I smile as I pass the bakery. The smell of freshly baked goods seem to waft across the street every morning. In another few paces I'll smell what I take as Italian. It doesn't take me long to reach the street I need and I turn right, and I step out from the shadows of the buildings and finally I meet the heat of the day. As I walk, I inevitably pass by a boy with a orange backpack, walking with his father to school. His eyes are just as curious as mine, but have no sunglasses to mask them.

I find the metro, I push hard on the swinging door. I'm still not used to the effort required to get it open. I'm now in the stream of people, rushing out to meet the train. I walk by a boy with a ukulele, singing and playing a different tune every morning. I typically stand and wait for my train, peering around looking for familiar faces. Inevitably finding one who I've shared the same journey with another morning. While I ponder if we'll ever meet, it occures to me that my eyes are no longer shielded... and I should stop staring at people.

After packing ourselves onto the train like... well like pickles. I reach for something to hold on to, I have yet to acquire my sea legs. Most people read, some people listen to music, some both... I wonder what they read or listen to, and hell what language would it be in?

At the end of the short ride, like cattle, we rush to the red sortie signs. Around now I'll be serenated by a guy with his guitar, or perhaps the lady with the accordion, or even the guy who likes to give life lessons. After avoiding a guy trying to pass out religious literature, I'm outside again.

I've almost reached my destination and my pace quickens. I pass by the "Soup Soup," and recognize that in a few hours Alex will head right next door for work. I finally approach my building and dislodge my headphones as I pass by security at the front desk. I make my way to the second floor, make a few friendly smiles to people, even a head nod, and hope they won't speak any french to me. I take out my pass card and enter the studio. I smile and say good morning to a few programmers who undoubtedly beat me to work, but I'm happy to say that I'm right on time.

I find my desk and boot up my computer. I set down my "Man bag" from Africa, and go back to the kitchen to make myself some coffee. As I return to my desk and ready myself for the day I can't help but chuckle to myself a little. You think that after four years of study I wouldn't actually be surprised to find myself where I am, and yet I still can't believe it. It's time to start work... It's time to make video games.

Welcome to Mistic!

I'm typical "Wes" fashion I over thought this morning... I woke up pretty early, rushed out, found my metro, and got to work extremely early =P Yet I wouldn't really have it any other way.

Although just as in any experience thus far in Montreal, it started off a little rough. I didn't know anything about a "SIN" card that I apparently needed to begin work, and had yet to be issued. You'd think this might have been in large print on my beginning paperwork to go to Canada, unfortunately it wasn't. Mistic was awesome about it through, and the HR lady drove me down to the appropriate offices so I could get my SIN number and she even waited with me while it got done. After that, and finding a bank account, I went out the lunch with her and the Lead Designer at Mistic. This was really pretty awesome and a great meal but I was anxious to actually get introduced to the team.

After lunch the Lead Artist eagerly introduced me to the team, and everyone couldn't have been more inviting. I spent most of the afternoon getting aquanted with 3DS Max, and some office tools. Some of my co-artists were pretty helpful with this. It's really interesting interacting with this bi-lingual bunch, while we have very different backgrounds, when it gets down to it we speak the same language.

While there was lots of french spoken, that I regrettably couldn't understand, I feel like the atmosphere at Mistic suits me pretty well. I could definitely see my place here, which is really exciting. I think that was what hit me most today, finally arriving at Mistic and becoming apart of the team, it doesn't feel like it's just a temporary position... and I'm certainly hoping it won't be.

As I left today, mostly everyone made an effort to smile and wave me good bye. I couldn't have felt more welcome in this intercultural bunch... with me a bit of a minority =) As I adjusted my bag, that hung by my side as I left, I couldn't help but smile. This bag I had purchased in Cape Town, followed me to San Francisco and Arizona, and would follow me still to the first steps in my new life. It was raining outside as I walked home tonight, and while others grimaced I couldn't help but smile... Today I'd forgive Montreal for the rain... today was a good day.