Refer to my website please :)

Hey!

So for a while now I've been trying to maintain both the blogspot blog, as well as my website... but really if you'd like to follow me you should be checking my website :)

So if you are at all coming here for the blog please refer to this link

Thanks for reading and hope you'll continue to do so in the future!

The first steps in a right direction

I may have drifted for a while, but I did as I always do... I thought long and hard, weighed my options, and made a plan. It was very tempting for a while to jump ship, and try to swim to shore; but I knew that the idea of what I'd find was merely a mirage. Really I knew I needed to try to make my ship sail again.

Ok enough with the analogies, I've made a bit of a plan for myself in an effort to make my life better in Montreal. Part of that plan was to move out of my current apartment, and find someplace new with new people. I ended up finding a great place, and through a little perseverance managed to find someone to rent my current apartment and moved out last weekend. I really couldn't be more excited, I actually technically have four roommates now, I life in one of the older buildings in Montreal, the apartment is two stories, we have a washer and dryer, and crazy enough... we have a back yard!! My bedroom (which is the size of my last living room), overlooks the garden in the back. Although it's taken a lot of work, and a lot of cleaning, I'm finally getting settled into my new place. The thing that really struck me, was that the first morning I woke in my new apartment... I heard birds :) I never heard birds from my last place... ever! I get to park right outside our front door, and our neighborhood is just that... a neighborhood with families and kids playing in playgrounds. The buildings aren't quite so tall here, and at night my bedroom is dark and quiet. While I'm not sure how long I'll stay in my fourth apartment in Montreal, I'm hopeful that it will be for quite a while.

The first morning, I do the same thing I do every time I move to a new place, I took a walk. As I walked I was greeted by people walking their dogs, cleaning their cars, and it was fun to see so many parks and playgrounds in the area. It's funny, I never know what to say when I greet someone new on the street... so I usually stay quiet not being sure if they speak french or English. This weekend I was walking by this old African lady, and her dog, as she was sitting on the stoop of her house watching children play. I gave her just a nod of the head and her face brightened up and she said, "Allo darlin!" and I couldn't help but just smile and know... that this was a good place... and that I think I was making some good steps in the right direction :)

Today was the first day back at work since I moved, and really... I had such a good day. I was really productive, and things just went well for me today. I came home and went for a walk, and now I'm sitting in my backyard, drinking a beer and blogging :) Life is pretty sweet. This is just the first step, and hopefully things will just continue to get better.

Adrift

I feel like I'm lost at sea. I have no view of the horizon, and a thick fog has set in... There are no birds, no indication of land fall. I can't quite get my bearings, I just keep gripping onto the mast hoping that things will pull through. Yet I'm alone on my ship, nothing but a soiled star chart and journal to keep me company. I keep wondering if I dive over, could I make it to land? Or would the current take me under, and drag me to the deep. There's a possibility that this ship could carry me to new and unforeseen lands, yet my faith is dwindling... There's no one to blame really, besides myself. See I crafted this vessel... I put my blood, sweat, and tears into it in order to make it float. So why jump ship? Why abandon my creation? There's no perfect answer, one way or another... so I drift. White knuckled gripping the mast... This would be the time where others might reach for their trinkets and pray. Pray for guidance, resolution, maybe even land... Not I. For I put myself in this mess, and I'm sure I'll be finding my own way to shore. I just don't know when I'll get there.

New Section added

Hey all!

I just added a new section of my website titled “Experiental Play.” In it is an analysis of experience in video games, and how it could impact our constructed realities. If your interested be sure to check it out!

A Familiar Feeling

It's hard to explain, but is a feeling I've come to be familiar with... It's sort of a change in the wind, perhaps it's best described as an epiphany. It's like suddenly the stars have lined up in new and interesting patterns, and suddenly I see something I hadn't seen before. It calls for more... It reaches deep down and inspires. I'm never quite sure what will happen when it comes, as I've learned that a great many things can happen in a short amount of time. I'm not sure what all of this means, but part of me feels a change is on the horizon...

For one thing I've begun writing again :)

More to come soon... I promise.

I'm Here

(Click the image)

I don't know about you... but sometimes I certainly feel like a robot. This was amazing and just really cool I thought. I think everyone needs to take half an hour out of their busy schedules to try to watch this at somepoint.

A change in weather

Ok so I know I've been really bad at updating this! I had to read the last post before I start writing this one to know where I had left you off. Ironically enough not too much has changed. I'm still reading thought provoking books, work has still been work, and well the only thing that has changed drastically is the weather. This week has been nothing but sunny and warm. Although I've had little time to enjoy, being at work, it's certainly nice to be greeted in such a way in the mornings and evenings.

Work has been a bit stressful, but all and all good. I'm making a transition right now, sort of off of one projects and onto another. This sort of rapid transition feels a bit strange, as suddenly I'm being integrated onto a new team, a new group of people who have already been working on this project for quite some time now, and away from a project that, while frustraiting at times, I had become quite familiar with. I think it's natural for anyone to be a bit nervous about the unknown. I had, in some ways, developed a sort of comfort zone with the work that I had been doing. I knew what needed to be done, how to fix problems that arised, and what was expected. Now? It'll be a bit learning that all over again I suppose, but I'm looking forward to it. One of my only concerns is that I hope they don't move my desk at work, I've become a bit comfortable where I'm at and the people I'm surrounded by. I'll for sure know more by next week as the transition becomes final.

I think I've been thinking much broader lately, and am trying to look at my life and how I spend my time more subjectively. Conclusion? Well not much yet haha, I've just been trying to be a bit more proactive with my time... but by proactive I don't necessarily mean just being productive but also taking some time for myself.

I'm still working my way through that book on mythology, and have begun thinking of some relationships between what Joseph Campbell and Bill Moyers have been talking about, and the gaming industry. I've begun thinking of questions like, "Do video games establish certain views and expectations on the world? Can they help us establish our own morality? Could they ever initiate us into the community?" Perhaps that's some things for whoever might be reading this to think about.

Ok I guess that's enough for now... I'm off to try to enjoy whatever is left of this beautiful day!

Loosening the knot

I've been thinking soo much lately. I dunno it just seems like I keep running across different things on the internet, or have conversations that has encouraged some deep intellectual thought. About what you might ask? It's hard to explain really, it flows from thoughts and theories on video games, mythology, and inevitably life (past, present, and future) and the connections between these points. I'm so tempted to just start diving into some thoughts and theories I have about it all, but I also feel so obligated to get all my thoughts in order before I do so. Right now everything is just all over the place, a sort of big mess... and I'm still trying to tidy it up a bit to make it presentable. I debated on if I wanted to share some of the things I've found online that have encouraged me to think, and at first I didn't want to... but I think I will anyways. Here are a couple interesting links... I won't share my opinions on them, I'll let you draw your own but hopefully it allows you to do some deep thinking of your own.

Link 1

Link 2

I'd love to hear whatever thoughts you might have on these, as it might encourage some new thinking in different directions :)

How am I doing? I'm doing fairly well, my fair share of ups and downs but I think for the most part life has been positive as of late. I think things may start going in a new and unexpected direction at work, and I'm trying my best to keep an open mind and see where this road takes me.

I was able to go to Burlington this last weekend and visit some friends that I hadn't really had a chance to spend quality time with in a while. It felt just so good to be with them again, I had one really interesting a long conversation with a friend that I had been a bit estranged from for quite some time. I found it interesting to see how much he had changed in such a short amount of time, and just how similar minded we are now. Listening to his termoils I can't help but describe that time of your life as just being a knot of emotions, stress, pressure, and some inevitable mental instablity haha. It's a hard time and the most you can do is hope to loosen the knot every once in a while, but keep chugging on. Listening him I couldn't help but think of him as me just a year ago, and now I feel like I can think so much more clearly and calmly. Sort of like I've loosened my knot, but don't get me wrong... I'm still getting out some of it's kinks.

Well I think that's enough for now... but sure enough expect quite a bit more to come in the near future :)

Good luck and have fun to the Champlainers headed to GDC!

Limbo

I think it's time for me to start changing some things in my life. I know this may sound very dramatic but I can't help but feel like I'm still in limbo somewhat. I think my problem is that for the moment my life has no clear direction or goal. Perhaps I just miss the structure that college provided me. While I may not have had short term goals (but often I did), I knew what was coming. You could count on it, the seasons would change, you'd get certain vacations, a new semester would happen, new classes and such... there was this constant that was the cycle. Before that was the same, thinking of high school there was a routine that you became accustomed to. Now? It's hard to say. Maybe this is just me realizing that I have to really be the one setting new standards in my life, and setting up goals for myself. With living a full life for so long, it feels a bit strange trying to piece a new one together.

This hit me mid way through this past weekend... what were in my thoughts? Work... I was anxious to get back to work. Not necessarily because I have something waiting for me there, but... well I dunno why. I certainly enjoy my job as of late. What has there been for me outside of work? Not much really beyond movies or videogames, and the occasional outing with people from work.

So I've been thinking... what does this mean? When your preference shifts from your free time to your work time? Perhaps I should get involved into some sort of activities or clubs, or perhaps I should start (or continue) work on certain unfinished projects that I have floating around in my head. I could always fill my weekends by visiting the states, either friends in Burlington or Family in New Hampshire... but part of me feels like that's just me avoiding the problem. I know a large factor in all of this too is that I can't help but feel pretty broke lately and for whatever reason somewhat introverted. I've always balanced between introverted and extroverted, but really when push came to shove I leaned towards being an extrovert.

I'm not really sure people read this or not, and I can really sort of doubt that they would care about all this self reflection all the time. Yet this blog has become more selfish then anything else, and in many ways helps me sort out my thoughts... and inevitably my life a little bit. I'd like to write about interesting insights into video games and their possibly impacts on society and people's development... but for now that's just not what's in me.
If people are reading things, though, they shouldn't take it as I'm being depressed or negative... just pensive and thinking a lot I guess.

I'd like to leave you with some sort of conclusion too, but really there isn't one... not for now at least. I'm still trying to figure out this new road I'm on, that's all.

It's called a Bob House

My breath is transformed into wisps of smoke as the dance out of my lips. For a moment it clouds my vision as it passes in front of my head lamp. I look ahead with narrow vision, watching the snow covered lake in front of me. I stop for a moment and look up, I can see the light of my head lamp dim as it reaches up towards the stars. The last time I saw stars like this I was in Arizona, what may as well have been a millennial ago.

It's 4 AM, and with sled in hand I continue to make my way out onto the ice. I'm not alone though, I've got a few friends with me and we're making out way to the Bob House (Shanty if your from Vermont) that we had set up the night before. The holes have already been drilled, we now merely have the task of de-icing them and setting up tip-ups at each for a days worth of ice fishing. My body is fairly warm, yet my face can tell that it's bitter outside and that the cold will find it's way in eventually. Some may find it miserable to be waking up so early, to drill some holes in the ice, for the excitement of waiting and watching all day... Yet for me... it was perfect. In many ways I miss things like this. Being out side, braving the cold, and hell just spending time with your friends out there.

Before I left co-workers kept trying to see my logic... they would ask "So your going there to sit out on the Ice all day?" or perhaps "Really... your planning at starting at a hole in the ice? And your excited about this?" I can't help but laugh and smile. Yea, I was excited about this trip. While in the end we didn't end up catching anything worth bragging about... I couldn't have asked much more out of this weekend.

Crunch time... my old friend

Ah pressure... my old friend... it's been way too long.

I find myself reacquainted with the joys of crunch time this week. Although it's not necessarily a horrible time in my opinion, it's tiring for sure but for whatever reason it always leaves me feeling... good haha. Most weeks by the end of the day I've reserved myself to the fact that the day is over and there will be no more work to be done. This week however I've had no problems chugging through work and puting in 10 hour days. There's a certain sense of accomplishment that goes along with getting a lot of work done. For me I'm happy to be going through this again... sort of a "I've still got it" moment for me haha. Sometimes I do wonder if my potential has dwindled some since college. I find myself more reserved then I once was, and I wonder if I could still get up and give a presentation to the UN? I dunno... part of me wonders while the other knows that it will always be there.

I'm pretty excited about this weekend, I'm off to Sudbury Vermont to do some Ice Fishing! To people at work it seems so strange that I'm excited about going out and sitting on the ice all weekend with my friends. I'm proud to be doing it through, sort of feels like I'm going back to my roots a bit. It's been entertaining growing up in a different sort of way then most people at my job. I guess there aren't many cattle farmers turned 3D infographistes... who knew? They certainly do get a kick out my stories though.

Anyways that's my update for now :)

Am I an Adult Now?

I thought that after getting my visa and returning to Montreal, I'd find some stability to my life. I'm finding now that I still think I'm in an odd phase in my life. Going from being busy with work, school, and friends all the time, to... not. I remember when I was young, I used to think about, at what time would I be an "adult?" My conclusion was that after I graduated college and was on my own, that's when I would be an "adult." I think I'm still adjusting to my new social status, an almost "beginning of life" crisis haha. Times where I'm left thinking... ok now what? What do I do with my time? Am I in the right place? What will you do with your life? Do you still have the ambitions of the past? I'm sure everybody goes through this period at one point or another, and I think it'll just take a bit more time. Until then don't get the impression I'm not doing well or I'm not happy, quite the contrary I'm doing just fine. I'm just left with lots of contemplation time...

If you've read any of my posts you'd notice that I'm pretty reflective, seemingly always thinking about the past and how it may or may not relate to the present. I've been trying harder to be more in the present, and think about the future. No real news on that yet haha, I'm still figuring out my life it seems.

I will say one thing, I've been thinking a lot about the nature of work that I'm doing. I find it incredibly ironic that I'm doing so much 2D stuff, when in College I tried my best to avoid it at all costs. I marketed myself as a 3D artist, worked to expand those skills, and yet now I find myself doing 2D?? I have some mixed feelings about it for now... part of me worries that I'll be pigeon holed into this arena, yet the other part of me feels pretty fulfilled with my work lately. While I can't divulge much, it's very technical and I like that. It really makes me think and challenges me, and it feels good knowing that I'm doing things that other artists don't really have a grasp of. Sometimes it can be tedious stuff, but at least I'm busy. I also like the fact that I'm working closely with four programmers. The sort of back and forth interaction is kind of nice. I like being able to be more directly involved with development, rather than making a piece and just handing it off. Theres a lot of back and forth right now and I'm the "go to guy" for a lot of things and I like that. So while I'm not super impressed with the kind of work I'm doing right now... I'm still a bit fullfilled by it. Yet I know this isn't the line of work I'll want to do for the rest of my life, my plan is now to do what needs to be done for this project and see what sorts of tasks I'll be given on the next assignment.

I guess as with everything that has gone on with me lately, time will only tell what happens :)

On a side note, your probably shouldn't pull a Wesley and go hike up a mountain in well below freezing temperatures, as the sun is going down, and without proper gloves..... just a few words of wisdom :P

Nostalgic

I was doing dishes yesterday, a seemingly mundane task. I was drying one of my smaller plates when I flipped it over and was hit by a memory. This Mickey plate had originally been a gift from Ann after visiting the Digitial Now conference in 2007. Strangely enough this memory felt like it had happened a century ago, and yesterday at the same time. It felt ironic that I had been cleaning it after making my sandwich for lunch the next day at work, in my apartment in Montreal. It made me think of a few things, but mainly made me think of Lauren. Somehow the last two years of College could be summed up in a number of meetings, stressful times, presentations, conferences, intellectual conversations, and triumphs with Lauren. Sometimes it feels silly that I hadn't known her the first two years at Champlain, and yet somehow we became the dynamic duo by the end. Life certainly isn't the same without the better half :P

(please excuse the excessively long and curly "Wes-fro")

So sorry it's been a little while since I last blogged, I know in my previous blog I promised something more of the relation of Myths and Video games... but truthfully I haven't had enough time to read more lately, and so I'm still unwilling to promote my findings haha.I returned to week, roughly two weeks ago. I'm finding myself getting back in the groove of things, and after a pretty stressful week last week... I'm feeling pretty good. It's nice to be productive again, and give my brain a real excercize.

Although I'm starting to feel "Burlington-sick" again, and may find my way down there this weekend. If anyone wants to do lunch let me know!!

Anyways I know this wasn't necessarily my deepest post, but I'll try to keep this better up to date... and hopefully write some more about myths in the near future!

Until then... "Nut up or shut up!"