Something Familiar

I walked with the determination I found every morning on my way to work. Almost in a trance, I leave the apartment with Benoit. Talk the typical morning conversations, maybe even some chatter about what today might bring for work. As I made my way down the escalator today though, something caught me off guard. There was someone at the bottom playing a song, not unlike most of my mornings, but this felt different. He was on a flute, and had a boombox playing piano behind him. Something about the tune sort of sunk into me, but I couldn't quite place it. Then for some reason my mouth began to "whisper words of wisdom, let it be..." How could I have not put my finger on it sooner, it was Paul McCartney, quite possibly my Father's favorite singer of all time.The melody had sounded so foreign coming from the flute, but the piano was undoubtable. I couldn't help but smile a little and focus in on the music. Slowly the world around me became quieter, and soon all I could hear was that piano. This brought me back to my Father's green ford pickup, sitting in the passenger seat, undoubtedly on the way to a fishing hole or hunting spot. Even as the doors to the metro closed and we took off, I could hear the piano.

.......

I had just finished doing some grocery shopping after work, my hands were heavy with today's "catch." I crossed the busy street and made my way to my building. Noises of people, cars, and the city surrounded me... yet something creeped into my ear for the second time today. I heard something, through the noise... something that didn't quite fit yet was oddly familiar. Suddenly I realized what it was, and looked up. I looked up to see a flock of Canadian Geese (no they aren't Canadian only because I'm in Canada) in perfect V formation. I don't know why but my heart was filled with glee, as I followed them. Ironically enough they lead me straight home. As my last view of them were framed ironically with roof tops, and one of them belonging to my new abode. They soon disappeared from sight, but not from mind.

I don't live in a perfect world

Sometimes I find myself a bit disconnected, although mostly it's a result of the situations I find myself in. Moving to Montreal four months ago, without knowing a soul up here certainly didn't help this predicament. Yet in college and even high school I never found that I made many truly meaningful connections with people. Sure I had friends, still do, but not many "best friends" and even fewer relationships. I've become comfortable with the notion of being alone, or at least that what I told myself. Moving so far from what's familiar has made me realize that I was wrong... I haven't been alone. For the past four years I've been able to be with someone truly special. There has been ups and downs, but they've always been there. We've been there for each other... some of my happiest memories are with her. The hardest part about all of this has been not being able to see her every day, talk with her, and laugh. I've been lucky though, I've been able to see her off and on, through quick trips back down to Vermont. Although it's likely that it's all about to change, and that I'll see even less of her. There's not many things I fear in this world, I've been able to overcome a lot in the life that I've lived, but one thing scares me to death. I think I'm going to lose her, and that's going to leave a hole inside of me that I'm not sure will ever be the same.

I tell myself to have faith. That something this strong could never go away but I'm not sure what to think. In a perfect world I'd see her with me for the rest of our days... but I don't live in a perfect world. I live in Montreal, and she's about to live far away.

Life is a Puzzle

I really like puzzles... Always have really. They come in many shapes and sizes, and some don't come across as puzzles at all. This is probably why I loved the Myst series so much... I'm a problem solver. I was thinking about thisalot this morning, as I was given a list of bugs to start looking into. I've developed my own sort of routine for this now at Mistic, all with very clear and different steps.

Step One: Translate French...

Step Two: Try to comprehend what's really being asked of me

Step Three: See if the file in question has been edited recently on SVN and if so maybe the file was fine before the revision?

Step Four... well you get the idea :)

I found myself having fun bug checking this morning, it seemed that through my system of checks and balances and "steps" I was isolating problems easily and moving on. Of course the greatest part of any puzzle is solving it in the end. Moments like these remind me that maybe I'm in the right profession for now.

This weekend was one filled with trips to Ikea and assembling our new living room! This struck me as odd too, actually going out and shopping for furniture... then sitting back and enjoying my new living room was just so... "adult."

Benoit's sister just arrived to stay with us for two weeks, which should be an interesting experience I've decided. He said she spoke a littleenglish, but what I've found is that a little english really means none. Luckily though I think my french is improving and I have been able to have some simple conversations with her, but we'll see how this goes :) It's always an adventure for sure...

I don't have too much to write about I guess, but I'll leave with a link that Heather sent me the other day. If anyone has taken the Myers Brigg's personality test you'll know what I'm talking about, but a while ago I took it for school and figured out I was an "ENFJ" (like Heather) which means I'm "Extroverted,iNtuitive, Feeling, and Judging," rather than "Introverted, Sensing, Thinking, and Perceiving." Anyways she sent me this link that has a really good discription of ENFJ's and well I thought it was pretty accurate.

Snowball

Sometimes I wonder what I was like as a child. Are you ever curious about what you'd think of yourself if met your younger self? Maybe not, but sometimes I wonder. I feel like I don't really remember as much as I should from my years back home. Sure I've got plenty of stories of the farm and things, but specific things about high school and well school in general feel fleeting at best. I'm sure it's only because so much has happened since then, that sometimes it feels like it's been an eternity since I actually lived there. It's hard not to feel a little bit of a disconnect I think from things in the past... I can't help but feel a little bit of a disconnect in general, it just feels wierd knowing that I haven't really had a constant "home" in quite sometime. Just moved into my new apartment, my third in Montreal, and it's definitely very nice and I'm starting to get settled... I wonder how long I'll actually spend here. Will I be in Montreal in December? Will I be in New Hampshire? Or will I be somewhere completely different? Things have been known to sneak up on me in the past...

I was able to go home for an extended weekend last weekend, and it was really nice to go back. My only connection to that place seems to be my home now, the farm... which is really a farm no longer. I've long since outlived the kayak shop, the bagle shop is under new owners, and really I had no interest in showing my face around the school. So much has changed here, but then again... I've changed too. Although the more I think I've changed and grown, the more I find clues that as a person I haven't changed much. I read a recommendation one of my High school teachers wrote for me, for my college application, describing me... and well it sounded like a lot of it still applied. A friend of mine explained once that we never really lose parts of ourselves, we just add more layers. Like a snowball collecting snow...

I think perhaps I've been focusing too much on this type of thing lately, although it's hard not to be a little introverted at work sometimes, with all of the french being spoken :) While I've picked up quite a bit, I am still relatively in my own head. It's hard not knowing where you'd headed too... There is still so much uncertainty in my life, with minor patches of stability. While I'm confident that I'll be fine, sometimes its hard not knowing what's on the road ahead. Even now I'm not sure how comfortable I should be getting in Montreal, should I be moving my desktop computer up here and start doing my own work on the side? Or would this be just more stuff to move in a few months? Time will tell of course. For now though all is well, I'll just continue living life.

100 blog posts

Hey all,

I can't really have this blog be a normal post because this is actually my 100th blog post since I started blogging April 24th, 2008. Alot has changed for me since then, been to a lot of places, met some amazing people, and grew up a bit more in my own way. Looking into the mirror, in my new apartment in Montreal, I couldn't help but see that I've grown up some... while my past still seems to have left a mark on me. I found it ironic that I wore a jacket that came from "Outback" trading company and that it was definitely a fashion choice influenced by my time on the farm, I wore a threadless t-shirt with some nice graphics on the front which could only be representative of Burlington influences, and then my plad shorts which was undoubtedly the kayak shop. I was thinking that the title of my blog posts do a pretty good job illustrating summerizing the path my life has taken since I started blogging. So I'll leave you with the 100 blog post titles, starting with April 24th, 2008.

A Year's end and Reflection

Digital Now 2008, Day 1

The Start of Digital Now Day 2 -- Digital Now day 2... Post Mortem

A Magical Evening

I am rediculously Lucky... Digital Now day 3

Back in Burlington

A little thing may make a big difference, PA Training day 1

There's no such thing as Survival of the Fittest

Identity? PA Training day 4

It's all in your head... PA training Day 5

Dawning of the rest of my life

To dwell in the past...

The ending has not yet been written...

The extroverted introvert...

Meeting the AA team...

The Pan in me

Lessons from Nature... the Clyde River

Staying the course

Just Jump

I was a happy kid... and continue to be

Take what you can... and jump... hell risk it all

Growing up dulls the fantasy

The changing view of the industry (GIVIT Day 1)

The Journey (GIVIT Day 3)

It's all about the Journey (Post GIVIT)

The Green Light

Green means GO!

Tipping Point

Humbled

Faith

Heroes

Ups and downs

INTERFACE INTERFACE INTERFACE

Awake

Getting back up isn't the hardest part

Changes in latitude, changes in attitude

Cape Town... Day 1

Cape Town... Day 2

Friends... Cape Town Day 3

Cape Town... Day 4

The Rapper, The Soccer Player, and Me... Cape Town Day 5

Cape Town day 6&7

Disconnected

Not quite re-adjusted but getting there

We're responsible for what we create

Not making the cut...

Under Pressure

Douglas Knee Sr... My Grandfather

Today it rained...

I'm getting really good at barely gettin by

Seeing others where I began

I'm in a hurry to get things done

MIGS!

Ghost of Wes's Future... MIGS Post Mortem

Vicarious Visions

It's an odd feeling getting older

Wanderlust

Canyon

Canyon: People keep talking!!

Seeing the Finish Line

Maya

Depart not from the Path

Spring break!

So close to the end

A sense of Belonging, GDC Post Mortem

Light at the end of the Tunnel

Beta

Updating Art!

Remembering Africa

The Righteous

Demo Reel!

Website Update!

Last Class.... ever

The next Chapter

Next Steps...

Ready to move on...

A rough start...

Adjusting... Montreal Day 3

Welcome to Mistic!

In my Shoes...

Eleven days in...

Identity

Roads less traveled

On the inside looking out

Guilt

Routine

Fireworks

Shoes

MYST MOVIE?!?!

I'm still Alive

Friendly Faces

Apartment Search Continues

Laser Quest

Censorship

Books

Two Worlds Colliding

100 blog posts!

Thanks to everyone who's been on the journey with me thus far and continue to be! If you'd like to check out some of these older posts they are best viewed at my original blog location wesknee.blogspot.com

To 100 more!