Tipping Point

(Click to link to the UNFP Page)

I see the path never stays the same. I had a fairly interesting day today with having our first official meeting for the UN project. It's actually pretty inspiring to think about it... I had already thought our problem was a difficult one, but the fact that if we can pull it off will have major results. Hearing people speak about how much of a big deal this is really put this project in a bigger scope for me. I feel so incredibly lucky to be in the position I'm in and yet there are some things that stink at the same time. Today our teams were announced and I'm sad to say that I won't be directly working with Lauren. It's hard to say I'm disappointed, because this is still so huge, but I was really looking forward to tag teaming this with Lauren. I got an artist I had been interested in working with and the same programmer I had worked with on the CIMIT project so that's all fine, but it became pretty apparent that they were intentionally splitting Lauren and I up, and taking some with me I think. When asked about it Ann told us that either way we wouldn't have been put in a group together, because we both have the most experience. I took this as a big compliment, and I could see where she's coming from... but it doesn't have to mean I like it. I know I constantly talk about being worried about stuff, and thinking too much, but it worries me now that perhaps they will continue to separate Lauren and I from future projects and possible trips. Again I find it flattering that they consider us "Top Dogs" in some respects but I just enjoy working with Lauren very much and find we do some great work together. Further on this I could definitely see us not going on trips this fall, which would equally stink but I agree with giving others an opportunity at these events. What I'm hopeful is that perhaps Lauren and I will be brought on to consult with new teams as the prep and even go to conferences. I had a thought that perhaps we could even play more of a PR role at these conferences, give our advice to new teams but talk to conference goers as they stop by. This way the students that really need to get work done could avoid getting interrupted, while still giving conference goers a student to talk to. I've been debating on trying to suggest this to Ann, but I probably won't because I'm too chicken =) Either way I hope I'll get to have a hand in these "Away Games" in the near future.


I find it interesting that in considering our next daunting task, I'm brought back to thinking about Professor Stracke's Sociology class. Many of the questions we have can't be answered until we know more about our targeted culture. In thinking about this I'm brought back to the 5 Agents of Socialization, Family, School, Media, Special Interest Groups, and Peers. These "Agents of Socialization" determines what are the major influences on our lives and essentially how we turn out as people. I think taking these factors into account and focusing on them will bring us closer to understanding our demographic. In our group conversations today, some of my group members kept referring to our goal as educating our consumer... I really sort of disagree with this statement. We can't assume to educate these people, the most we can do is hope for some sort of reflection based on what we present. Meaning we need the player to be able to personalize the situation, and in doing so enables them to reflect back upon it more critically. Hopefully this is where the paradigm shift will happen... To assume that we can educate them feels pompass in some respects, and we need to ensure we're as respectful as possible. These are just some of my initial thoughts on the project... it's now fairly late and I should retire =)

(A group we're working in conjunction with on the UN project)

Green means GO!

I see the road I'm on... Yesterday morning I wrote my last blog post before I went off to an early meeting with Amanda and the CIMIT team and then eventually to our group EMC meetings where each group gets to present what we've been working on. This ended up being another heart warming event for me, hearing my producer talk about our map (mainly using my words, which is ok) and what steps we took with this new direction, was pretty cool. Hearing it come from someone else was just sort of neat and for some reason sounded better haha. "It looks 100 times better," Ray remarked during the meeting. I was about to jump out of my skin! I couldn't be more happy that people really think the map is interesting now, and the funny thing is... I didn't change the mechanics of game flow, just certain aesthetic decisions and the layout seemed to make all of the difference. Fallowing this was a presentation on our CIMIT project, another project which I've felt that I've had an intimate connection with. Ann arrived part of the way through the meeting, this really excited me, hoping that she'd bring news on the UN project! She did bring us some at the point, she officially announced that Heather Kelly would be working with us on the project. Here's her website http://www.moboid.com/portfolio/ and here's an interview of her that's interesting http://gamedev.sessions.edu/design-interviews/heather-kelley-game-designer-moboid/. Also that two business professors will be joining the marketing level of the project, all very exciting but there was still no news of who exactly was on the project. The end of the meeting I rushed out, with other plans in mind...

(This is a quick screen shot of our map, it looks a lot better in game with the area fog... but you get the idea)

I rushed out because I had plans of driving home to surprise my Mom! Mom was still home alone, as Dad was off on a fishing trip but would be returning at mid-night. So I wanted to surprise my Mom at home, my Dad coming home, and some of my family is actually coming over again because my cousin's baseball tournament is continuing and so I wanted to be here for them as well! I really like surprising people you might say =)

Although something I didn't expect happened on the drive home... I got a phone call from Ann, instructing me to pull over my car because I was in on a conference call and they had something they wanted to talk to me about. Ray began by saying that I forgot to sign my time sheet, which confused me and they got a laugh, and then Ann started to say the real reason why they were calling. "I want to officially ask you if you'd be interested in joining us on the UN project." I tried to keep my cool... by replying "YES YES YES YES!!" hahaha I was so ecstatic! Yet I then had to ask if this meant I'd be apart of the team heading to Africa, in which they replied that I would indeed head to Africa by the end of August!! HOLY CRAP!!! I just can't believe the life I'm living right now and just couldn't be any happier. I now had two surprises for my family... both me and another amazing opportunity.

The rest of the drive home I started to reflect back upon this year once again and specifically to a conversation Lauren and I had at the end of Learning 2007. We had such an amazing time at our first conference and felt at a loss returning to the normalcy of school. We then started to talk about how we didn't want this ride to end. Thinking back now it's almost as if Lauren and I got the green light at Learning 2007, we sped ahead and took every advantage of opportunities in the road, yet as this summer came I was sad to see we took off at different exits and went our own roads for a while. These roads being mainly filled with those flashing yellow lights, yet now I see that the lights have turned green again, and Lauren and I can meet up at the next exit and be on the same road once more. It's going to be a terribly exciting year, I can just feel it. That green light I was talking about in my last post, really did mean GO for everything else along with it=)

I don't know if Ann reads this blog or not, but I'm going to risk saying how thankful I am to her. She's truly an amazing individual who inspires greatness in those around her. She's accomplished so much and continues to bring amazing things to others. I really don't know how she does it. Thanks for talking to me before Champlain, thanks for creating my major, and thank you for these amazing opportunities... I don't know quite what to say because thank you just doesn't quite feel like it's enough. It occurred to me a while back that she reminds me of Ti'Anna sometimes, from the Myst series... Anyone who's a Myst geek may get my meaning, but after re-reading the book of Atrus, Ti'Anna is the reason why I address all my posts with "I see." Anyways I'm off to enjoy time with my family before I have to head back to Burlington to pretend to be, as my cousin Bryan calls me, "Mr. Important" again =)

The Green Light...

I see that I'll never truly grow up... It's been a long time since I've blogged, and I've had quite a few revelations since last I wrote. I'm not sure exactly where to begin but I think I'll just start with heading back to work after GIVIT. The first week back seemed really tough for some reason, I think mostly because I missed the great experience I had at GIV. It didn't necessarily end well either, at the end of the week we had a conference call with AA in which it was our first conversations with the two new AA employees we'd be dealing with. They had some pretty harsh criticisms of our map, and I'm not going to lie I was somewhat crushed and frustrated. We've had quite a few ups and downs with our group and this almost seemed to be the brink of it for me. Yet looking at my other two group members (yes only three out of six showed up for this phone conference) I realized that I couldn't allow this to bring me down. If I allowed myself to become negative I could very well bring the rest of the group down with me, instead I found that we should hold our heads high and just be better. We had a group meeting immediately afterwards, where it was obvious that some of us were thinking inevitable doom for our group. I came up with a new game plan... we needed to make the fixes they mentioned and really drastically change our map, enough that it's obvious that we've put a lot of work into this and yet not too much as to take away from a seemingly working mechanic. Leaving that day, I had sort of a mixed feeling. We had a new game plan, we were striving forward, but there was a mixed feeling of being crushed and being hopeful at the same time. The next day I found it ironic that I found my inspiration again and started work on concept art I had been conceptualizing for Lauren's and my game. Last time I wrote about being concerned about not having the ambition to start this sort of work, and within a few days I had it back =) Since then I've really made some great strides towards an interesting new art direction and couldn't be more excited!

While continuing on with our new map direction, working on new interface designs with Ken Howell (who recently joined in on CIMIT), and working on my own art assets I had to write an essay about community service, in order to try to get it waved. My first draft was sort of fluffy, and the professor was quick to catch that, so I had to do another version. This time talking more of what I've learned about myself... I couldn't help but refer to my blog, I started talking about "mini-me" from GIV, and ended up talking about my experience with "Al and Bob" (referring to a blog post I made in April). This may sound sort of lame but looking back of what I've been able to accomplish, pretty much brought me to tears... The main thought I took out from the paper was an idea I sort of fleshed out with Alicia the day before. I had been looking at old letters of recommendation for high school and was shocked to see that many of the same descriptions still sort of fit, yet I feel as though so much has changed since then. I think the main thing is that as we grow, we don't necessarily change.... our core stays the same, we just keep adding layers to it as we grow. Sort of like paper mache, each experience another layer to who we are... never changing, never taking away, but always adding. Thinking of it this way, I was always scared of growing up... I realize now that growing up isn't what scares me, it's change that scares me... but excites me at the same time =)



I also had my interview with Ray, that week, in regards to the new UN project that I'm eager to be apart of. I found that Ray and I had a really great conversation, yet I wasn't sure if it related much to the position. Instead we talked about how diverse my interests are, and how I've really become accustomed to being apart of the design process... yet I'm not a designer but almost would like to be. I love what I do, don't get me wrong, but since working with Lauren my eyes have been open more to game play mechanics then ever before and find that with everything that I'm involved with now, I'm not just a 3D Artist anymore. Which is neat, but also worries me because I'm not specializing as much as I should be in my selected field, instead I've become far too interested in practically everything! Yet that is sort of who I am, I've always had a diverse interest and I think it may benefit me in the end... Oh and if Lauren is reading this Congrats again on being one of the design leads! I couldn't think of anymore more deserving... I just hope I can join you in this next endeavor. Our next great adventure =)

I know I'm writing a lot but I just feel as though I have a lot to cover so I'll continue haha... I went home this past weekend and it was really great! I couldn't believe how much I had missed home, and this may sound lame but how much I missed Mom. It was so fun just being together because we are another kind of team that I had before I got into all of this mess. Two sides of a coin and we just seem to be pretty awesome together, whether it be fixing dog runs, or just plain out dealing with certain family members... I missed us. It was also really neat to see some of my other family. I got to see my two cousins (Bryan and Tyler), my aunt and uncle, and my Grandparents. I'm pretty sure I hadn't seen them since Christmas, which is sort of sad to think about. My family has never been super close but we try our best... well my side does anyways =) I find it hard sometimes though, because I feel bad for our cousins quite a bit. Their parents are extremely pushy when it comes to sports, chores, and whatever else they deem necessary. It's hard to see their childhood slip away behind a list of chores and practices... I see this most evident in my younger cousin Bryan. He has that inquisitive mind that I've become so familiar with, yet he has not outlet. It worries me because I can't help but feel that there's going to be a breaking point for him, where he may start to push back against his father's brutness. I'm not sure what may happen in result of such an event, but either way I value Bryan as being an individual. It's harder for Tyler, it seems as though he's been sucked in too deep into the thoughts and dreams of his father, and it's come to a point where if he doesn't end up playing in the major leagues in any way, he may think of himself as a failure... at least in his father's eyes. It's hard because since he has had to focus so much on other things he severely lacks computer and other technical skills that could possibly propel him in other areas. I'm not sure what will happen, but there will be a point where my cousins will be able to start walking their own path, out from under their father's shadow.

(This is a picture drawn by my cousin Bryan=)

One thing I feel as though I want to address quickly that's been bothering me, is that I've been reading a friend's blog and been talking to another friend who's been at home this summer. They seem to share many of the same feelings I share at home, we don't really communicate with anyone back home anymore, other than our family, and we become eager and miss friends back here in Burlington. Another thing that makes it hard is the nature of our field, and how many people back home don't quite understand what we do... What bothers me some is that my friends seem to literally be counting down the days until they return. I can't really say much because I don't know the exact nature of what their home lives are like, but I can't help but feel that rather than constantly looking forward to leaving again then perhaps we should look and value on the time spent now and today. It's hard feeling so alone, yet this sort of reflection time only makes us stronger in my opinion... I've felt alone a lot over the past few years and still in some areas but rather than focus on it, I've decided to become stronger because of it. How we react to situations judges who we are, in a certain aspects we judge how miserable we choose to be. I choose to be strong, I choose happiness and hope other do too.

Returning from home this week was harder for me then usual, I had found that I missed that "down time" I seemed to have lost here in my hectic new life. I couldn't' help but be flustered returning to work, as massive amounts of information was thrusted at me and I tried to cope with dissecting it again. As I defined it in an e-mail to my cousin Bryan, I've become "Mr. Important" again. Which is great but hectic and stressful at the same time. Leaving for a few days seems to have made that apparent for me. Yet I love the life I live =) Speaking of hectic though, yesterday we had a "surprise phone conference" with the America's Army guys. You might remember that my last talk with them hadn't gone quite as well, and was pretty much defined as a low spot for me. Yet I think it could also be defined as a pinnacle moment for me as well, where I consciously chose not to be negative. During this talk they started with mentioning a few fixes that we needed to make for our map and then there was this pause. My group wasn't sure what to think of this, and we sort of tentatively asked "Is that it?" When they replied that yes that pretty much the criticism they had for us today and that they had noticed we had gone through some major changes and the map really seems to be coming together... and they ended with "We're giving you the Green Light to continue on for another week and then hopefully publish your map." At first I had a sudden odd jolt of joy, they liked our map! They actually like our map!! Then my stomach seemed to fill with butterflies as I started to think... They like my map! In a big sense this was my brain child and this is going to be mass distributable! People are going to be able to play an idea I had, all over the world! This is what it's all about isn't it? Granted I've only scratched the surface of what I'd like to accomplish, but this is a very definite start. I strive forward now, a little more confident, and eagerly awaiting to hear about the UN project. Yet I can't help but feel as though I not only got the Green Light on my map, but on life in a way =)




(here's a hint... click on the text)