Limbo

I think it's time for me to start changing some things in my life. I know this may sound very dramatic but I can't help but feel like I'm still in limbo somewhat. I think my problem is that for the moment my life has no clear direction or goal. Perhaps I just miss the structure that college provided me. While I may not have had short term goals (but often I did), I knew what was coming. You could count on it, the seasons would change, you'd get certain vacations, a new semester would happen, new classes and such... there was this constant that was the cycle. Before that was the same, thinking of high school there was a routine that you became accustomed to. Now? It's hard to say. Maybe this is just me realizing that I have to really be the one setting new standards in my life, and setting up goals for myself. With living a full life for so long, it feels a bit strange trying to piece a new one together.

This hit me mid way through this past weekend... what were in my thoughts? Work... I was anxious to get back to work. Not necessarily because I have something waiting for me there, but... well I dunno why. I certainly enjoy my job as of late. What has there been for me outside of work? Not much really beyond movies or videogames, and the occasional outing with people from work.

So I've been thinking... what does this mean? When your preference shifts from your free time to your work time? Perhaps I should get involved into some sort of activities or clubs, or perhaps I should start (or continue) work on certain unfinished projects that I have floating around in my head. I could always fill my weekends by visiting the states, either friends in Burlington or Family in New Hampshire... but part of me feels like that's just me avoiding the problem. I know a large factor in all of this too is that I can't help but feel pretty broke lately and for whatever reason somewhat introverted. I've always balanced between introverted and extroverted, but really when push came to shove I leaned towards being an extrovert.

I'm not really sure people read this or not, and I can really sort of doubt that they would care about all this self reflection all the time. Yet this blog has become more selfish then anything else, and in many ways helps me sort out my thoughts... and inevitably my life a little bit. I'd like to write about interesting insights into video games and their possibly impacts on society and people's development... but for now that's just not what's in me.
If people are reading things, though, they shouldn't take it as I'm being depressed or negative... just pensive and thinking a lot I guess.

I'd like to leave you with some sort of conclusion too, but really there isn't one... not for now at least. I'm still trying to figure out this new road I'm on, that's all.

It's called a Bob House

My breath is transformed into wisps of smoke as the dance out of my lips. For a moment it clouds my vision as it passes in front of my head lamp. I look ahead with narrow vision, watching the snow covered lake in front of me. I stop for a moment and look up, I can see the light of my head lamp dim as it reaches up towards the stars. The last time I saw stars like this I was in Arizona, what may as well have been a millennial ago.

It's 4 AM, and with sled in hand I continue to make my way out onto the ice. I'm not alone though, I've got a few friends with me and we're making out way to the Bob House (Shanty if your from Vermont) that we had set up the night before. The holes have already been drilled, we now merely have the task of de-icing them and setting up tip-ups at each for a days worth of ice fishing. My body is fairly warm, yet my face can tell that it's bitter outside and that the cold will find it's way in eventually. Some may find it miserable to be waking up so early, to drill some holes in the ice, for the excitement of waiting and watching all day... Yet for me... it was perfect. In many ways I miss things like this. Being out side, braving the cold, and hell just spending time with your friends out there.

Before I left co-workers kept trying to see my logic... they would ask "So your going there to sit out on the Ice all day?" or perhaps "Really... your planning at starting at a hole in the ice? And your excited about this?" I can't help but laugh and smile. Yea, I was excited about this trip. While in the end we didn't end up catching anything worth bragging about... I couldn't have asked much more out of this weekend.

Crunch time... my old friend

Ah pressure... my old friend... it's been way too long.

I find myself reacquainted with the joys of crunch time this week. Although it's not necessarily a horrible time in my opinion, it's tiring for sure but for whatever reason it always leaves me feeling... good haha. Most weeks by the end of the day I've reserved myself to the fact that the day is over and there will be no more work to be done. This week however I've had no problems chugging through work and puting in 10 hour days. There's a certain sense of accomplishment that goes along with getting a lot of work done. For me I'm happy to be going through this again... sort of a "I've still got it" moment for me haha. Sometimes I do wonder if my potential has dwindled some since college. I find myself more reserved then I once was, and I wonder if I could still get up and give a presentation to the UN? I dunno... part of me wonders while the other knows that it will always be there.

I'm pretty excited about this weekend, I'm off to Sudbury Vermont to do some Ice Fishing! To people at work it seems so strange that I'm excited about going out and sitting on the ice all weekend with my friends. I'm proud to be doing it through, sort of feels like I'm going back to my roots a bit. It's been entertaining growing up in a different sort of way then most people at my job. I guess there aren't many cattle farmers turned 3D infographistes... who knew? They certainly do get a kick out my stories though.

Anyways that's my update for now :)