(Sunset over Robben Island)It's been sort of weird attempting to return to normality... I'm still unsure why I feel this way, and yet I can't help but feel disconnected from everything. Nothing has really changed, it's the same room I've had all summer long, same roommate, same friends, same life... but I feel sort of lost. It was weird to come back and enjoy my materialistic possessions, I have my cell phone, my car, my computer, my xbox, my "things" in this perfect little world that I inhabit. It's sort of funny really, I return to a place that has so many things to do and I'm unsure of what to do. I've become bored, yet recluse. I feel bad that I have been sort of shying away from people since I've returned, yet when I get an opportunity to talk to someone that went to Africa too I relish in it. It's become hard to answer the question, "How was Africa?" What am I supposed to say? "Cool?" Even now I try to describe the experience and so I stare at my monitor clueless of what to write. Instead I think of the people I had the chance to meet and can't help but wonder how they are doing, how are they surviving? What would they think of my world? They'd think it to be foolish I'm sure, exaggerate beyond all means. They have so little, and I have so much and yet find opportunities to complain... even now ironically haha. I can't help but look at my world in a different light and feel somewhat out of place. Not to mention the school is getting ready to rev up for another year, and the campus has become populated again. Seeing many new freshman run to and fro and me trying to remember what my first weeks here were like. It seems like so long ago, and really sometimes I forget that I'm still attending school. My mind has been maintained by so many other things and issues that I had forgotten about my upcoming academic commitments. It’ll be different attending class tomorrow, no the classrooms haven’t changed but I seemed to have. I probably won’t be able to not think about Sinethemba’s class rooms and their learners…
I’m sorry, I hope this isn’t coming across as too down or depressing because that’s not necessarily what I mean here. I am just trying to explain the disconnection I feel, and yet I don’t think I entirely understand it myself.
3 comments:
I think we are all feeling this way. The good things are: we have a purpose-something we can and will do to create change; we have each other and we all understand what we experienced and are ALL processing it; we also have a Champlain community that is very intersted and inspired by what we have done and will do as a result.
And then of course we need to set aside time, as a to celebrate - and we will.
Ann
Ann's right, at least we are not just leaving and doing nothing to better the situation down there. I totally understand how you're feeling. It's rough but just think of the difference we can make and channel your energy towards that :)
Wes, you're not alone--I feel the same way. I'm at the very same loss for words, and I keep telling everyone the same thing.. "life changing." Even those words don't do it justice. But just as everyone said, know that you out there trying to make a difference. Keep your head up--and know we're all going through the same mental and emotional journey if you ever need support. It was an incredible experience, and I'm really glad I could share it with only the best, including you.:)
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