I see myself taking leaps, as though it's instinctual by now. I talked a little before about how sometimes I feel as though you have to go out on the deep end, and really just go for something. Perhaps I didn't talk about how there's always a risk involved, but in the end isn't the risk what makes things worth while? I'm very tired, I'll admit it. These weeks are wearing my thin, it's not only the fact that I'm working ten hour days, it's that in this work time I am constantly thinking and doing things. Don't take this as me complaining about doing things, quite the contrary, I need to be productive, but sometimes in my groups I feel as though I'm the only one doing things. I've found that people get distracted extremely easily in the gaming lab and I just find it frustrating. With little sleep and long days, the ends of the week always seems to be the hardest. It's basically because my humor goes down hill =) But I know it'll pick back up again by next week.
So yea taking leaps... We got impute today from both the CIMIT guys and the AA guys, for most of the CIMIT conference call I was still working on a presentation so I sort of missed that. What I'm really interested in is the conversation we had with AA this week. I'm not gunna lie... I've been fairly nervous about this feedback. Mainly it's because I have so much invested into this map, that it's become my baby of sorts =) Any negative feedback feels like it would have been negative against me... Although I was sort of surprised by the feedback we got. Granted it was not completely positive... One of the main issues they had was with our design document, which I haven't had a hand in and well the person that was heading that recently left our group. So I wasn't too surprised there, the AA guys were still concerned with a specific part of my map... Their concerns were curious though because it really makes me wonder if they have tried the map out, or just kind of looked at it. Either way I have already come up with an idea that I think they'll be happy with. The final things they said were the most powerful though, they really like the concept, they were excited that we are really trying something different. They believed that it would blend well with the maps that have already been created but also stands out well enough because it's not like any of their other maps, and what it came down to was if we can "pull it off" we may have one of the most unique and interesting maps available! This completely thrills me! Whereas the other group has a solid concept and pretty much an approved map, it pretty much blends in with what has been done before. If you were to ask me if I'd rather be in the safe bet or the risky one, I'd most definitely say the risk in this situation. I don't believe it's an "if" we can pull it off, it's a when =) Once again I'm taking a leap of faith in myself and my team.
A couple more thoughts from this previous week before I go to bed... This past week started with a fairly serious conversation with Ray about how I should be working on assets when I'm not at work so I can boost my portfolio. In all reality I really do appreciate his concern and he does genuinely want me to succeed in the future, but the sort of stuff he was telling me just kind of intimidated me. The whole concept of the future and really "growing up" scares me... I had a moment of doubt, an unsettling feeling about the unknown in my future and the lack of faith that my skills as an artist will carry me. Then someone I haven't really spoken to in a long while reached out to me. If you remember my post in April called "A little thing thing my make a big difference," well "Al" left me a sort of inspiring message. It didn't say much but it didn't have to, it did enough to remind me of the influence I can have and have had on people. Although I doubt certain aspects of my future career I can't help but feel like everything is going to be alright, in one way or another... The funny thing is, since I was very little I've always thought that someday I was going to do something big. I was never sure what but I really wanted to have an impact on people. Looking back at my life in a nut shell I think I've been able to touch quite a few lives in my 21 years of existence. I don't have to hope that I'll continue to do so in the future, I just plain know. It's who I am, and it's sort of comforting to know one's self.
The final thought of the night... I had some interesting conversations earlier today with a recently graduated senior. I was very cautious of him at first because I was just never sure where I stood with him. It's pretty well known that the seniors really got the shaft on a lot of things in regards to the degree and it almost felt as though he may be somewhat bitter that I've had so many opportunities though the EMC in this past year alone. I'm tentative to say I've deserved them, I just feel as though that's pompass and I'm sure others could have done a better job. Yet I've worked very hard to get where I'm at, and I don't think I'm going to feel sorry for taking advantage of the opportunities I have had. I've also just finished watching Pirates of the Caribbean 3, and a quote from Sparrow left me thinking...
So yea taking leaps... We got impute today from both the CIMIT guys and the AA guys, for most of the CIMIT conference call I was still working on a presentation so I sort of missed that. What I'm really interested in is the conversation we had with AA this week. I'm not gunna lie... I've been fairly nervous about this feedback. Mainly it's because I have so much invested into this map, that it's become my baby of sorts =) Any negative feedback feels like it would have been negative against me... Although I was sort of surprised by the feedback we got. Granted it was not completely positive... One of the main issues they had was with our design document, which I haven't had a hand in and well the person that was heading that recently left our group. So I wasn't too surprised there, the AA guys were still concerned with a specific part of my map... Their concerns were curious though because it really makes me wonder if they have tried the map out, or just kind of looked at it. Either way I have already come up with an idea that I think they'll be happy with. The final things they said were the most powerful though, they really like the concept, they were excited that we are really trying something different. They believed that it would blend well with the maps that have already been created but also stands out well enough because it's not like any of their other maps, and what it came down to was if we can "pull it off" we may have one of the most unique and interesting maps available! This completely thrills me! Whereas the other group has a solid concept and pretty much an approved map, it pretty much blends in with what has been done before. If you were to ask me if I'd rather be in the safe bet or the risky one, I'd most definitely say the risk in this situation. I don't believe it's an "if" we can pull it off, it's a when =) Once again I'm taking a leap of faith in myself and my team.
A couple more thoughts from this previous week before I go to bed... This past week started with a fairly serious conversation with Ray about how I should be working on assets when I'm not at work so I can boost my portfolio. In all reality I really do appreciate his concern and he does genuinely want me to succeed in the future, but the sort of stuff he was telling me just kind of intimidated me. The whole concept of the future and really "growing up" scares me... I had a moment of doubt, an unsettling feeling about the unknown in my future and the lack of faith that my skills as an artist will carry me. Then someone I haven't really spoken to in a long while reached out to me. If you remember my post in April called "A little thing thing my make a big difference," well "Al" left me a sort of inspiring message. It didn't say much but it didn't have to, it did enough to remind me of the influence I can have and have had on people. Although I doubt certain aspects of my future career I can't help but feel like everything is going to be alright, in one way or another... The funny thing is, since I was very little I've always thought that someday I was going to do something big. I was never sure what but I really wanted to have an impact on people. Looking back at my life in a nut shell I think I've been able to touch quite a few lives in my 21 years of existence. I don't have to hope that I'll continue to do so in the future, I just plain know. It's who I am, and it's sort of comforting to know one's self.
The final thought of the night... I had some interesting conversations earlier today with a recently graduated senior. I was very cautious of him at first because I was just never sure where I stood with him. It's pretty well known that the seniors really got the shaft on a lot of things in regards to the degree and it almost felt as though he may be somewhat bitter that I've had so many opportunities though the EMC in this past year alone. I'm tentative to say I've deserved them, I just feel as though that's pompass and I'm sure others could have done a better job. Yet I've worked very hard to get where I'm at, and I don't think I'm going to feel sorry for taking advantage of the opportunities I have had. I've also just finished watching Pirates of the Caribbean 3, and a quote from Sparrow left me thinking...
"Take what you can...
Give nothing back..."
I almost agree... I agree that we should take what we can, it may sound selfish but you live but one life, as far as we know. Yet if you have the capability to give something back, I feel as though you should. It doesn't have to be directly related to anything in particular, giving back can be helping a friend in need, being there for someone, inspiring someone else, doing something in your community, or just being a good person. I can't say my moral compass is set to true north, but we all do what we can and that's all that should matter.
I'll never forget this year, and hope that the ride continues. I had always though the journey helps one to figure out who they truely are, and I think I'm finding myself a little more all the time.
No comments:
Post a Comment