My eyes drifted to the clock. I was anxious and couldn't wait for the end of the day... and then it came. Five O'clock Friday afternoon came and I was ready to leave work for the weekend. Today was different, I had something to look forward to... I had somewhere to go. I said myau revoirs to my co workers, as they chuckled at my anxiousness and my large bag I had slung over my shoulder. I was so eager I passed right by the stair well, laughing at my forgetfulness I went down and exited the building. It was sunny, ironically after all this rain the day that I had to be somewhere the sky opened up and smiled. I smiled back and went along my way.
It was a bit more awkward squeezing by the ticket terminal and finding my place on the metro. I was lugging a large army bag my Mom had given me to use since college. This bag seemed to have no bottom and I could fill it with anything, today though it was dirty laundry. With me, of course, I also carried my man bag. Inside this I kept items I felt I might need for work, and today two extraxbox controllers . I'm fairly certain I looked goofy, as I stood, smiling with my luggage... waiting for my stop. Which was a bit further today than usual.
I took a moment, and studied those who rode the train with me... as I usually did. Noticed the slight changes in types of passengers as we went further out of the areas I was used to traversing. One lady in particular made me extremely curious. She sat across from me, hair done up, holding her bag under red painted nails. Her face looked a little distressed, but with held at the same time. It's really quite amazing how much we can give off about what we are thinking by just our faces. I'm used to watching people practically want to sing along to their music, or watch their expressions change as an epic moment happens in their books. This lady though, she was in her own world today. I noticed several times she straighten her fingers, swayed them lightly, and shook her head,almost to say "No" or "That's it, I'm done." Of course I have no clue what was troubling her, but as much as she tried to hide he... she wasn't doing a very good job. I hope that perhaps she's well now.
I left the metro, and walked back out into the sun. My smile returned as I remembered my destination. At first I was a little turned around, as this was only my second time coming in to this station. I got my barrings though and lugged my self and my luggage along with me as I headed towards a football field. I passed briefly inside the gates, and noticed the set of apartment buildings where I knew I had been before... Then there it was. My smile was unmistakable now, the hair raised up on my forearms, and goose bumps rippled my skin. Grass had started to grow around the tires, but Jarvis was right where I left him. It was almost like seeing an old friend, and finding that both your friend and your friendship hadn't changed one bit. I got in, set up Tom, myiTouch... My hands grabbed around the bumpy steering wheel cover, some bumps now missing, but I still find plenty of character in this car. As I started the car, and adorned my sun glasses, I couldn't help but whisper "Hello." A greeting to an old friend... a representative from a previous life... and then we were off.
As silly as this might sound but while there were many things I was looking forward to, Grandma's cookies ranked pretty high on the list... as ironic as that sounds. It took me quite sometime to get out of the city, but it felt good once I was. The environment opened up and I could see green all around. Open farm fields that reminded me of a time where cows were not a foreign creature by any stretch of the imagination. I practically felt giddy as I began to see the flat land scape start rolling up into hills and finally mountains... I was going home. Only not quite home home, but home to New Hampshire and some family.
I've come to realize that in most times in my life I seem to maintain a duality inside myself. Two parts of me that make up the whole, but twoseparate identities nonetheless. In college it was sort of like my "gamer" side and my "Residential Assistant/Peer Adviser" side. People would know me as one side or the other, and I could be recognized for each and separate identity. I found it strange yet sort of fun. Keep in mind though that these two identities aren't ones that compete with one another, but rather they learn to live symbiotically witheachother. This still hasn't left me... The identities I find now are of my past life and my current one. Neither compete, but both come together to make up the whole... to make up me. It had been a while since I had been able to be my other half, and well... going away made me realize that it was still there and that I needed it... even missed it.
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