The ending has not yet been written...

I see that I sometimes let my fears get the better of me. I started today, unusually late for me, with asking myself a question that I seem to ask myself every now and then.... "What are you doing with your life?" Such a question I never know the answer to, and it scares me. I started out on a walk today, and for some reason started contemplating this. I'm constantly nervous about where I'm headed. Frankly Buck is right at times, I'm not sure I see myself as a 3D artist anymore... yet with the field I'm in that pretty much spells out doom. Does that mean my last four years have been for nothing? With graduation looming ahead, I've become scared. This is not something I feel comfortable talking about most times, with the success I have had this would seem to be a mute point. I'm almost frustrated at my success, because it doesn't give me any excuse to feel the way I feel. And yet I feel as though I took a curiously different road in life, a path that feels like a knife's edge and that in any moment if I happen to slip... well... the journey will end. I haven't even touched Maya in a few weeks, a horrible no no when it comes to my degree. There are even times that I regret not continuing on with my old dreams of being in the Military, a place that I feel as though I'd exceed as well. These were the thoughts I had as I started my trek today. During this walk I found a nice place to sit and read, and so I finished reading "The Book of Atrus." Through reading the climax of this story I can't quite explain my change in attitude... but somehow I've re-discovered this urge of mine to create. These thoughts of creating experiences through video games, sometimes I put these off as childish... and maybe they are a little. Yet something about it feels right. I think what I'm just really scared that I don't have a plan. I'm not sure what I'll end up doing or who I'll be but I think I need to stay the course. For the most part my path keeps changing for me, unexpectedly and these unexpected changes have been the greatest thus far. Reading the last sentence in "The Book of Atrus," "I know my apprehensions might never be allayed, and so I close, realizing that perhaps the ending has not yet been written." It's true for me in my life... I guess what I need to find is a little more faith.

Building off from this I started thinking about Lauren and my game idea, and perhaps we are focusing on the wrong things... We already had some questions about scope but perhaps we're dwelling on the wrong things. Rather than content and history, maybe we should be focusing more on the Journey of the player? I'm not sure... In the big scheme I guess I'm no designer but I have some ideas.