Refer to my website please :)

Hey!

So for a while now I've been trying to maintain both the blogspot blog, as well as my website... but really if you'd like to follow me you should be checking my website :)

So if you are at all coming here for the blog please refer to this link

Thanks for reading and hope you'll continue to do so in the future!

The first steps in a right direction

I may have drifted for a while, but I did as I always do... I thought long and hard, weighed my options, and made a plan. It was very tempting for a while to jump ship, and try to swim to shore; but I knew that the idea of what I'd find was merely a mirage. Really I knew I needed to try to make my ship sail again.

Ok enough with the analogies, I've made a bit of a plan for myself in an effort to make my life better in Montreal. Part of that plan was to move out of my current apartment, and find someplace new with new people. I ended up finding a great place, and through a little perseverance managed to find someone to rent my current apartment and moved out last weekend. I really couldn't be more excited, I actually technically have four roommates now, I life in one of the older buildings in Montreal, the apartment is two stories, we have a washer and dryer, and crazy enough... we have a back yard!! My bedroom (which is the size of my last living room), overlooks the garden in the back. Although it's taken a lot of work, and a lot of cleaning, I'm finally getting settled into my new place. The thing that really struck me, was that the first morning I woke in my new apartment... I heard birds :) I never heard birds from my last place... ever! I get to park right outside our front door, and our neighborhood is just that... a neighborhood with families and kids playing in playgrounds. The buildings aren't quite so tall here, and at night my bedroom is dark and quiet. While I'm not sure how long I'll stay in my fourth apartment in Montreal, I'm hopeful that it will be for quite a while.

The first morning, I do the same thing I do every time I move to a new place, I took a walk. As I walked I was greeted by people walking their dogs, cleaning their cars, and it was fun to see so many parks and playgrounds in the area. It's funny, I never know what to say when I greet someone new on the street... so I usually stay quiet not being sure if they speak french or English. This weekend I was walking by this old African lady, and her dog, as she was sitting on the stoop of her house watching children play. I gave her just a nod of the head and her face brightened up and she said, "Allo darlin!" and I couldn't help but just smile and know... that this was a good place... and that I think I was making some good steps in the right direction :)

Today was the first day back at work since I moved, and really... I had such a good day. I was really productive, and things just went well for me today. I came home and went for a walk, and now I'm sitting in my backyard, drinking a beer and blogging :) Life is pretty sweet. This is just the first step, and hopefully things will just continue to get better.

Adrift

I feel like I'm lost at sea. I have no view of the horizon, and a thick fog has set in... There are no birds, no indication of land fall. I can't quite get my bearings, I just keep gripping onto the mast hoping that things will pull through. Yet I'm alone on my ship, nothing but a soiled star chart and journal to keep me company. I keep wondering if I dive over, could I make it to land? Or would the current take me under, and drag me to the deep. There's a possibility that this ship could carry me to new and unforeseen lands, yet my faith is dwindling... There's no one to blame really, besides myself. See I crafted this vessel... I put my blood, sweat, and tears into it in order to make it float. So why jump ship? Why abandon my creation? There's no perfect answer, one way or another... so I drift. White knuckled gripping the mast... This would be the time where others might reach for their trinkets and pray. Pray for guidance, resolution, maybe even land... Not I. For I put myself in this mess, and I'm sure I'll be finding my own way to shore. I just don't know when I'll get there.

New Section added

Hey all!

I just added a new section of my website titled “Experiental Play.” In it is an analysis of experience in video games, and how it could impact our constructed realities. If your interested be sure to check it out!

A Familiar Feeling

It's hard to explain, but is a feeling I've come to be familiar with... It's sort of a change in the wind, perhaps it's best described as an epiphany. It's like suddenly the stars have lined up in new and interesting patterns, and suddenly I see something I hadn't seen before. It calls for more... It reaches deep down and inspires. I'm never quite sure what will happen when it comes, as I've learned that a great many things can happen in a short amount of time. I'm not sure what all of this means, but part of me feels a change is on the horizon...

For one thing I've begun writing again :)

More to come soon... I promise.

I'm Here

(Click the image)

I don't know about you... but sometimes I certainly feel like a robot. This was amazing and just really cool I thought. I think everyone needs to take half an hour out of their busy schedules to try to watch this at somepoint.

A change in weather

Ok so I know I've been really bad at updating this! I had to read the last post before I start writing this one to know where I had left you off. Ironically enough not too much has changed. I'm still reading thought provoking books, work has still been work, and well the only thing that has changed drastically is the weather. This week has been nothing but sunny and warm. Although I've had little time to enjoy, being at work, it's certainly nice to be greeted in such a way in the mornings and evenings.

Work has been a bit stressful, but all and all good. I'm making a transition right now, sort of off of one projects and onto another. This sort of rapid transition feels a bit strange, as suddenly I'm being integrated onto a new team, a new group of people who have already been working on this project for quite some time now, and away from a project that, while frustraiting at times, I had become quite familiar with. I think it's natural for anyone to be a bit nervous about the unknown. I had, in some ways, developed a sort of comfort zone with the work that I had been doing. I knew what needed to be done, how to fix problems that arised, and what was expected. Now? It'll be a bit learning that all over again I suppose, but I'm looking forward to it. One of my only concerns is that I hope they don't move my desk at work, I've become a bit comfortable where I'm at and the people I'm surrounded by. I'll for sure know more by next week as the transition becomes final.

I think I've been thinking much broader lately, and am trying to look at my life and how I spend my time more subjectively. Conclusion? Well not much yet haha, I've just been trying to be a bit more proactive with my time... but by proactive I don't necessarily mean just being productive but also taking some time for myself.

I'm still working my way through that book on mythology, and have begun thinking of some relationships between what Joseph Campbell and Bill Moyers have been talking about, and the gaming industry. I've begun thinking of questions like, "Do video games establish certain views and expectations on the world? Can they help us establish our own morality? Could they ever initiate us into the community?" Perhaps that's some things for whoever might be reading this to think about.

Ok I guess that's enough for now... I'm off to try to enjoy whatever is left of this beautiful day!

Loosening the knot

I've been thinking soo much lately. I dunno it just seems like I keep running across different things on the internet, or have conversations that has encouraged some deep intellectual thought. About what you might ask? It's hard to explain really, it flows from thoughts and theories on video games, mythology, and inevitably life (past, present, and future) and the connections between these points. I'm so tempted to just start diving into some thoughts and theories I have about it all, but I also feel so obligated to get all my thoughts in order before I do so. Right now everything is just all over the place, a sort of big mess... and I'm still trying to tidy it up a bit to make it presentable. I debated on if I wanted to share some of the things I've found online that have encouraged me to think, and at first I didn't want to... but I think I will anyways. Here are a couple interesting links... I won't share my opinions on them, I'll let you draw your own but hopefully it allows you to do some deep thinking of your own.

Link 1

Link 2

I'd love to hear whatever thoughts you might have on these, as it might encourage some new thinking in different directions :)

How am I doing? I'm doing fairly well, my fair share of ups and downs but I think for the most part life has been positive as of late. I think things may start going in a new and unexpected direction at work, and I'm trying my best to keep an open mind and see where this road takes me.

I was able to go to Burlington this last weekend and visit some friends that I hadn't really had a chance to spend quality time with in a while. It felt just so good to be with them again, I had one really interesting a long conversation with a friend that I had been a bit estranged from for quite some time. I found it interesting to see how much he had changed in such a short amount of time, and just how similar minded we are now. Listening to his termoils I can't help but describe that time of your life as just being a knot of emotions, stress, pressure, and some inevitable mental instablity haha. It's a hard time and the most you can do is hope to loosen the knot every once in a while, but keep chugging on. Listening him I couldn't help but think of him as me just a year ago, and now I feel like I can think so much more clearly and calmly. Sort of like I've loosened my knot, but don't get me wrong... I'm still getting out some of it's kinks.

Well I think that's enough for now... but sure enough expect quite a bit more to come in the near future :)

Good luck and have fun to the Champlainers headed to GDC!

Limbo

I think it's time for me to start changing some things in my life. I know this may sound very dramatic but I can't help but feel like I'm still in limbo somewhat. I think my problem is that for the moment my life has no clear direction or goal. Perhaps I just miss the structure that college provided me. While I may not have had short term goals (but often I did), I knew what was coming. You could count on it, the seasons would change, you'd get certain vacations, a new semester would happen, new classes and such... there was this constant that was the cycle. Before that was the same, thinking of high school there was a routine that you became accustomed to. Now? It's hard to say. Maybe this is just me realizing that I have to really be the one setting new standards in my life, and setting up goals for myself. With living a full life for so long, it feels a bit strange trying to piece a new one together.

This hit me mid way through this past weekend... what were in my thoughts? Work... I was anxious to get back to work. Not necessarily because I have something waiting for me there, but... well I dunno why. I certainly enjoy my job as of late. What has there been for me outside of work? Not much really beyond movies or videogames, and the occasional outing with people from work.

So I've been thinking... what does this mean? When your preference shifts from your free time to your work time? Perhaps I should get involved into some sort of activities or clubs, or perhaps I should start (or continue) work on certain unfinished projects that I have floating around in my head. I could always fill my weekends by visiting the states, either friends in Burlington or Family in New Hampshire... but part of me feels like that's just me avoiding the problem. I know a large factor in all of this too is that I can't help but feel pretty broke lately and for whatever reason somewhat introverted. I've always balanced between introverted and extroverted, but really when push came to shove I leaned towards being an extrovert.

I'm not really sure people read this or not, and I can really sort of doubt that they would care about all this self reflection all the time. Yet this blog has become more selfish then anything else, and in many ways helps me sort out my thoughts... and inevitably my life a little bit. I'd like to write about interesting insights into video games and their possibly impacts on society and people's development... but for now that's just not what's in me.
If people are reading things, though, they shouldn't take it as I'm being depressed or negative... just pensive and thinking a lot I guess.

I'd like to leave you with some sort of conclusion too, but really there isn't one... not for now at least. I'm still trying to figure out this new road I'm on, that's all.

It's called a Bob House

My breath is transformed into wisps of smoke as the dance out of my lips. For a moment it clouds my vision as it passes in front of my head lamp. I look ahead with narrow vision, watching the snow covered lake in front of me. I stop for a moment and look up, I can see the light of my head lamp dim as it reaches up towards the stars. The last time I saw stars like this I was in Arizona, what may as well have been a millennial ago.

It's 4 AM, and with sled in hand I continue to make my way out onto the ice. I'm not alone though, I've got a few friends with me and we're making out way to the Bob House (Shanty if your from Vermont) that we had set up the night before. The holes have already been drilled, we now merely have the task of de-icing them and setting up tip-ups at each for a days worth of ice fishing. My body is fairly warm, yet my face can tell that it's bitter outside and that the cold will find it's way in eventually. Some may find it miserable to be waking up so early, to drill some holes in the ice, for the excitement of waiting and watching all day... Yet for me... it was perfect. In many ways I miss things like this. Being out side, braving the cold, and hell just spending time with your friends out there.

Before I left co-workers kept trying to see my logic... they would ask "So your going there to sit out on the Ice all day?" or perhaps "Really... your planning at starting at a hole in the ice? And your excited about this?" I can't help but laugh and smile. Yea, I was excited about this trip. While in the end we didn't end up catching anything worth bragging about... I couldn't have asked much more out of this weekend.

Crunch time... my old friend

Ah pressure... my old friend... it's been way too long.

I find myself reacquainted with the joys of crunch time this week. Although it's not necessarily a horrible time in my opinion, it's tiring for sure but for whatever reason it always leaves me feeling... good haha. Most weeks by the end of the day I've reserved myself to the fact that the day is over and there will be no more work to be done. This week however I've had no problems chugging through work and puting in 10 hour days. There's a certain sense of accomplishment that goes along with getting a lot of work done. For me I'm happy to be going through this again... sort of a "I've still got it" moment for me haha. Sometimes I do wonder if my potential has dwindled some since college. I find myself more reserved then I once was, and I wonder if I could still get up and give a presentation to the UN? I dunno... part of me wonders while the other knows that it will always be there.

I'm pretty excited about this weekend, I'm off to Sudbury Vermont to do some Ice Fishing! To people at work it seems so strange that I'm excited about going out and sitting on the ice all weekend with my friends. I'm proud to be doing it through, sort of feels like I'm going back to my roots a bit. It's been entertaining growing up in a different sort of way then most people at my job. I guess there aren't many cattle farmers turned 3D infographistes... who knew? They certainly do get a kick out my stories though.

Anyways that's my update for now :)

Am I an Adult Now?

I thought that after getting my visa and returning to Montreal, I'd find some stability to my life. I'm finding now that I still think I'm in an odd phase in my life. Going from being busy with work, school, and friends all the time, to... not. I remember when I was young, I used to think about, at what time would I be an "adult?" My conclusion was that after I graduated college and was on my own, that's when I would be an "adult." I think I'm still adjusting to my new social status, an almost "beginning of life" crisis haha. Times where I'm left thinking... ok now what? What do I do with my time? Am I in the right place? What will you do with your life? Do you still have the ambitions of the past? I'm sure everybody goes through this period at one point or another, and I think it'll just take a bit more time. Until then don't get the impression I'm not doing well or I'm not happy, quite the contrary I'm doing just fine. I'm just left with lots of contemplation time...

If you've read any of my posts you'd notice that I'm pretty reflective, seemingly always thinking about the past and how it may or may not relate to the present. I've been trying harder to be more in the present, and think about the future. No real news on that yet haha, I'm still figuring out my life it seems.

I will say one thing, I've been thinking a lot about the nature of work that I'm doing. I find it incredibly ironic that I'm doing so much 2D stuff, when in College I tried my best to avoid it at all costs. I marketed myself as a 3D artist, worked to expand those skills, and yet now I find myself doing 2D?? I have some mixed feelings about it for now... part of me worries that I'll be pigeon holed into this arena, yet the other part of me feels pretty fulfilled with my work lately. While I can't divulge much, it's very technical and I like that. It really makes me think and challenges me, and it feels good knowing that I'm doing things that other artists don't really have a grasp of. Sometimes it can be tedious stuff, but at least I'm busy. I also like the fact that I'm working closely with four programmers. The sort of back and forth interaction is kind of nice. I like being able to be more directly involved with development, rather than making a piece and just handing it off. Theres a lot of back and forth right now and I'm the "go to guy" for a lot of things and I like that. So while I'm not super impressed with the kind of work I'm doing right now... I'm still a bit fullfilled by it. Yet I know this isn't the line of work I'll want to do for the rest of my life, my plan is now to do what needs to be done for this project and see what sorts of tasks I'll be given on the next assignment.

I guess as with everything that has gone on with me lately, time will only tell what happens :)

On a side note, your probably shouldn't pull a Wesley and go hike up a mountain in well below freezing temperatures, as the sun is going down, and without proper gloves..... just a few words of wisdom :P

Nostalgic

I was doing dishes yesterday, a seemingly mundane task. I was drying one of my smaller plates when I flipped it over and was hit by a memory. This Mickey plate had originally been a gift from Ann after visiting the Digitial Now conference in 2007. Strangely enough this memory felt like it had happened a century ago, and yesterday at the same time. It felt ironic that I had been cleaning it after making my sandwich for lunch the next day at work, in my apartment in Montreal. It made me think of a few things, but mainly made me think of Lauren. Somehow the last two years of College could be summed up in a number of meetings, stressful times, presentations, conferences, intellectual conversations, and triumphs with Lauren. Sometimes it feels silly that I hadn't known her the first two years at Champlain, and yet somehow we became the dynamic duo by the end. Life certainly isn't the same without the better half :P

(please excuse the excessively long and curly "Wes-fro")

So sorry it's been a little while since I last blogged, I know in my previous blog I promised something more of the relation of Myths and Video games... but truthfully I haven't had enough time to read more lately, and so I'm still unwilling to promote my findings haha.I returned to week, roughly two weeks ago. I'm finding myself getting back in the groove of things, and after a pretty stressful week last week... I'm feeling pretty good. It's nice to be productive again, and give my brain a real excercize.

Although I'm starting to feel "Burlington-sick" again, and may find my way down there this weekend. If anyone wants to do lunch let me know!!

Anyways I know this wasn't necessarily my deepest post, but I'll try to keep this better up to date... and hopefully write some more about myths in the near future!

Until then... "Nut up or shut up!"

Apocalypse

I've been really sort of exercising my brain during this vacation. Sort of geeky I know, but I've been finding myself getting caught up into some different topics, which leads to other topics, and inevitably starts to encourage my own theories on things. This all started when I saw this clip from Zeitgeist, which gives an extremely interesting look at religious structure and it's remarkable correlations with astrology. Keep in mind when your watching this though this is from an obviously bias source, but some of the stuff they have to say is very interesting. My Mom then keyed me onto a subject she's been reading about called Noetic Science, which in the most briefest of explanations is: "Advancing the science of consciousness and human experience to serve individual and collective transformation."Some pretty intriguing and hefty stuff here, and could be interpreted to be the actual science of mysticism and basically magic if you will through the study of our brain's and it's unused potential. Needless to say this was already starting to get me thinking about a lot of things. I then received Dan Brown's book: The Lost Symbol, which ironically touches on aspects from both Noetic Sciences and aspects of things discussed in Zeitgeist! While I know it's a work of fiction, there is still a lot of interesting facts in the book relating to both. I now find myself reading The Power of Myth, by Joseph Campbell with Bill Moyers. This was actually a suggested reading from friends Alain Stracke and his wife Lynda Reid, which sprang out of conversations I was having with them roughly three weeks ago. While I've only begun to scratch the surface, it's already gone further to encourage some things I've been learning from these other resources, and these all have begun to effect/encourage the way I think about life, religion, beliefs, and even the gaming industry. I HIGHLY recommend looking into some of this stuff, as I've found it to be incredibly interesting and I can certainly see that this won't be ending for me any time soon.

While I have a lot on my mind there were two things I wanted to talk about briefly in this post... First of all the concept of the "Apocalypse," which ironically enough has become quite popular with kids my age (yea I'm still a kid...) and definitely the entertainment industry. You hear many genres now being "Post-Apocalyptic," and typically involve atom bombs, zombies, mutants, and the like. Yet I think you'll find this as interesting as I did... did you know the literal meaning behind the word "Apocalypse" is "lifting of the veil" or "revelation?" This doesn't quite sound like Armageddon to me. The Bible even discusses "revelation at the end of the æon, or age." (please note that even though I'm linking wikipedia right now, this also comes straight from Zeitgeist, The Lost Symbol, and I think it's discussed some in The Power of Myth.) If you watch the clip from Zeitgeist, you realize that the "age" discussed could be the new celestial age of "Aquarius" which we'll be moving out of the age of "Pisces" and into. Brown brings in a few interesting points, and implies that perhaps this pending "Apocalypse" is actually predicting a new age of enlightenment. New revelations that may shake the foundations of the way we think, interpret the world, and live our lives. We are constantly making new leaps and bounds as far as technology is concerned, we can move matter faster than light, we're doing crazy stuff with dark matter, and we're even developing mini-lightsabers for field surgeons... Could break throughs in Noetic Sciences lead to a new age of revelation? Although it's also a good thing to point out that in any age of enlightenment, there will most likely be a "dark age" where people may find themselves different sides. Where innovation meets resistance from those who disagree with it either for religious beliefs or possible other ethical dilemmas. Could this impending Armageddon be a clash between sciences and religion? Who knows? I certainly won't be holding my breath in 2012.

I also wanted to talk a bit about Mythology, and it's possible link with society and even video games... but I've already written quite a bit and perhaps I should read more of "The Power of Myth" before I start going into that tangent :P

I'll finish with this though... as I was driving with my Dad today I began thinking about Montreal. It's funny to think that it has been eight months since I first moved in up there, three apartments, four parking spots, five roommates, two visas, and two jobs... To think now after all this time I finally feel like everything has fit into place. I have a nice apartment, where I can now park my car, I've got a good roommate, I like my job, I've got my visa approved, and I finally have a circle of friends. It's only taken me eight months to sort out my life haha. Yet it finally feels in place, and I couldn't be more excited for 2010. For me it's actually the start for the rest of my life, 2009 was a transition period between college and career, and 2010 marks the official start of my career in a sense. I have nothing but high hopes and positive feelings about this new year. Some great things happened in 2009, but 2010 is going to be better :)

Happy New Years everyone! Let's make 2010 a great one!

In the land of sand and snow

"Do you ever get the feeling like you already know the entire contents of the universe somewhere inside your head, as if you were born with a complete map of this world already grafted onto the folds of your cerebellum and you are just spending your entire life figuring out how to access this map?"

(Larsen, Page 315 in "The Selected works of T.S. Spivet")

First off Yes I'm still reading this book, call me a slow reader, whatever it's been a great read. I found this particular passage really interesting to consider... I've wrote about "The Secret" in the past, and how I believe sometimes your perceptions create your reality. This to me sounds sort of similar... have you ever had a feeling like you knew the outcome of something, whether it be good or bad? Just sort of knew what might happen? Perhaps in some strange way it's Deja Vu, perhaps we then "will" it to happen like the "Secret" would suggest, or perhaps the answer was there to begin with. I won't write much further on this as I don't want to dilute any opinions you may have on the subject, but I think it's interesting to mull over... be sure to let me know what you come up with :)

So as you might have guessed I have returned to Arizona, where my parents now live. It's really sort of interesting being back here, as it's now a whole new level of familiar. Not only is the area starting to become familiar, but seeing things that was from our house in New Hampshire now in this new place was really strange at first. It was little things that struck me, the small sheep magazine holder Dad always had by his chair, the strange old cabinet we have for our canned goods, and even some of the pictures that now have a new wall to hang out. The funny thing is that these didn't feel misplaced, rather they felt like home and in some strange way just sort of fit in... fit into this new home. It's exciting really.

I've spent most of the week with my Dad, exploring things from Petroglyphs to... well the local Walmart haha. While at times he's certainly on my nerves, it's nice to spend some time with him again, as we typically don't spend much time together. Going back to what I was discussing above, the whole "knowing something before it happens" bit. Well as you may have known I've been in limbo for quite sometime now as to my future, first it was complicated to get the official job offer, and since then I had been waiting on the Canadian government to either approve or deny my visa application. Something deep in my gut told me that things were going to be alright, although after all this time I had begun to get pretty nervous about what the results might be. Well I received a great phone call earlier this week to inform me that my Visa has cleared and that it appears that I'll will be continuing work with Ludia at the beginning of the new year! I'm excited to say the least, I mean for a while now everything in my life has been short term... and to now have a full time job and everything all set... to just perhaps settle in for a while rather than being a nomad. I'm super excited. I'm especially happy to return to work with many of my friends from Mistic and my new friends from Ludia. Not to mention others who I have met in my travels in Montreal. Although with the nice weather in Arizona, I'm not exactly super excited about returning to the Arctic haha needless to say I think it's great. I'm really looking forward to 2010 for some reason... Something in my gut tells me it's going to be good.

One last thing I'd like to mention, if you haven't been following the EMC Blog, the team has been at Saint Lucia to test the first episode of their game. I would be wishing them the best of luck right now, but as they have proven time and time again... Luck has nothing to do with it.

Ironically enough I was a South West flight to Chicago last week (on the way to Arizona) and I just so happen to pick up a copy of the Spirit magazine in front of me. I start to thumb through it, actually just trying to use it to cover the fact that my carry on didn't fit in the seat in front of me, when I stumbled upon this article. Low and behold I'm sitting on a plane reading about the Emergent Media Center, Ann Demarle, and projects that I have worked on in the past. I was beside myself and couldn't help but laugh, and try to explain it to the incredibly uninterested passenger next to me.

To be honest sometimes I wish I had stayed, I miss the EMC and the work I did there. I see others where I was before and I'm jealous, almost like someone else taking your baby away from you. It's all different now, and in many ways I know I don't belong there anymore... but seeing others who have stayed certainly makes me wonder if I should have too. The work they do is... well good for the heart :)

Although part of me knows that it was the right decision to start my own path. To venture out on my own and to open up the next chapter of my life. That's probably the same part that knew my Visa would end up clearing haha.Well it's late and I should really end this long post sooo I will.

G'night anyone who actually takes the time to read this :P

A change in weather

Thinking back, for the past several months my thoughts have revolved around this sense of isolation that I had been feeling. I had blogged about it plenty, and it troubled me quite a bit. Yet, something curious has happened and for some reason it's changed. For those of you who don' t know, I'm still waiting on news about my next work visa, and during this time I can't legally work. So I went to the states for a little while. While there something strange happened, I had this sort of anxious feeling to get back to Montreal. I tried hard to justify it, it's not like anyone would be available to hang out, and how man times had I sat frustrated in the middle of french conversations that I couldn't partake in... I couldn't understand why I wasn't more ecstatic to be in the States.

Needless to say I returned last Sunday to Montreal, the day before my Birthday. Benoit suggested that he had been talking to some people from work and who we hang out with, and he thought we should have an "Apero." Which is sort of like just having appetisers and drinks and inviting people over. I wasn't sure, as I don't typically host parties, but I decided... What the hell, why not?

I spent my day doing chores, preparing Christmas stuff, getting stuff for the party, laundry... all the good stuff haha. Luckily for me it managed to snow on my birthday, which holds a special significance to me. See I don't think I've ever had a birthday in which it hasn't snowed just a little bit. While there are times I'm not too happy it's snowing, on my birthday it's different and I couldn't be happier.

That night I was so surprised to see so many people arrived to partake in the Apero, and even surprised me at my door with a cake! There were people from work, and people who Benoit and I hang out with and even some americans :) I'll be honest, I'm not sure I've ever had such a big birthday! I mean when I was a kid I think the most I ever invited over was like five kids. It was really just awesome to see everybody and have such a good night. For this, I really am happy I decided to be in Montreal for my Birthday.

I visited work today to go to lunch with a friend, and it was really fun to bump into some people, whose first reactions were "Your back?!" Which I unfortunately kept having to say, "Not yet." It was nice though seeing people be excited to see me, and all anxious to hear about my visa. The head of HR at Ludia was mentioning that I have quite the fan club, as different people on a daily basis ask her about me :)

I suddenly find myself feeling apart of a community that I've developed for myself in Montreal... one that I wasn't quite sure I had. I'm not sure how I managed it, but in the time that I've arrived here... I've somehow made a place for me here, and I already feel a bit connected to Montreal in some way. What worries me now is my visa, and if I hear no I'll be starting from scratch once more... For now though, I'm thankful for my time up here, the people I've met, and the experiences I've had.

An American Living in Montreal

I can't be the only one who thinks that random acts of violence have the potential to be pretty hilarious. It's not that I actually want to hurt anybody, quite the contrary. Relatively speaking I'm not really a violent individual... but do I think about how funny/horrible it might be if I were to suddenly scream "THIS IS MONTREAL" and kick someone into the Metro. Not that I ever would... Sure you could probably blame video games, or many upon many years of other violent media on shaping such supposedly sadistic thoughts. I'm sure people reading this may very well, but I don't. I've made it clear on several occasions that I believe that we are merely made up of our experiences, and obviously exposure to such things probably has had some impact on me. Yet, I enjoy my seemingly random strings of thought. Do you ever find your self happy living inside your own head? Perhaps this life of half isolation that I've been living has had some negative effects on me. Yet lately I find myself quite content in my own head.

I remember in college I had tendencies to laugh at my own jokes, or alternative views of reality that I might imagine in my head. Few people would actually notice, but when they did it was always sort of awkward sometimes trying to explain. As inevitably it never quite came out as funny as it was in my head. There was one friend though in College who would always encourage me to share what I was thinking, I got so used to sharing that now that I don't... just feels strange sometimes. Since I was encouraged, I think its made me day dream even more. Without having an outlet made me sort of depressed for a while, but I think I've become comfortable with it again. I've chosen to be quite happy lately, and it's been good :)

I do believe that we make out own happiness, and naturally we need to have both good days and bad. Perhaps I'm only speaking for myself, but there are certain days where I'm unhappy because I chose to be.

The other day I thought about writing a blog post with whatever entered my mind at the time. Just a little stream of thought from the world I live in everyday. While I'm sure it may seem like random babbling, I think we all need to be more in touch with our own inner ranter; and to truly understand someone else... perhaps we need to hear how the world is perceived in their eyes.

I thought about all of this on my way to another french outing, and how if I were to ever write a book about my perceptions about life living in Montreal; I may call it "An American living in Montreal." Although it's still unknown as to how long my stay here will actually be, and of course there comes the question of actually ambition to do so.

One thing is for certain though... If you see me in a seemingly mundane environment, and catch me trying to hide a smile. I very well may be thinking of a random act of violence...



(Disclaimer: I don't actually always think about random acts of violence, nor do I have any intention on hurting anyone. The point was to talk about random thoughts, and well this post is certainly full of them)

Take life as it comes

Life is always changing, and ironically enough change can be the scariest thing sometimes. In this respect, for a little while now, I've tried my best to be prepared for anything that might come my way. The way things have gone for me, it seems as though I have to be prepared for the unexpected as in most cases, they turn out to be some of the greatest experiences in my life. My first excursion for the Emergent Media Center for example, heading off to Eliot Masie's Learning 2007 conference. Seemed like such a rash thing to do, but lead to so many other great possibilities for me. It's funny to think it's been two years since then, and it's been fun reading about the newest EMC team at this year's learning conference. All that feels like it was a life time away, and I've certainly changed along with my circumstances since then.

A lot of people ask me what my plans are, and really they are quite vague. I like it this way though. I've come to a certain understanding about life, and it isn't based on certainties. For me it's based on balance, the most we can do is try our best at whatever we set forth to do, have a positive attitude, and hope good things return to us. Along with this though, we have to have ups and downs in our life, and it's important to have both equally. If we didn't have hard times, how could we truly appreciate the good times in our lives? We need bad days, to recognize the good ones. I think I'm on my way out of a uncertain time in my life, which was on a bit of a low. My circumstances changed drastically again, and while in some ways I'm still in limbo as to what I'm going to be doing, things have begun to balance themselves out I think. The limbo part of my life, resides in if my visa will get approved by the Canadian government, which there is a possibility that it won't be. The good part of my life is that I did receive a job offer from Ludia Software in Montreal. Lately there always seems to be more complications when it comes to things, but I'm hoping to hear soon that my visa has been approved. If it doesn't, well I'm not sure what I'll do to be honest. I don't even know where I'd live, would I try to go back to New Hampshire for a while to an empty home, stay with someone in Burlington, or would I follow my parents and go to Arizona? I'm really not sure, and in my mind nothing is set in stone. Whatever happens, I have to believe it's for the best. If my future lies in Montreal, the visa will get approved. If it doesn't, then that just mean life intends on me being elsewhere and that's ok too. Whatever happens, I'll figure it out... sometimes you have to play with the cards your dealt, no matter what's in your hand. One thing I'm sure about though, is that wherever I end up, things will be ok. I managed to make a bit of a life for myself in a new city, I suppose I could probably do it again.

One final note is that MIGS or SIJM (to the french) is coming up next week, and while it's unfortunate that I won't be attending this year, I'm looking forward to hopefully seeing some people coming up for this event. Good luck to you Champlainers who are going, as this is an extremely good networking opportunity. Ironically enough, people who I met there last year, I ended up working with at my first job :)

Congrats again to this year's Learning 2009 Team! Miss you guys!


p.s be sure to check out some new sections of my Gallery, finally added a part for the America's Army project and some of my DS work is up there now :)

Montreal it is!

Well while nothing is official before I can sign something, it looks as though my stay in Montreal has been extended :)

Details on the job offer will follow in possibly a weeks time...

Feels like it could be the start of something great :)

A new Tipping Point

I found it interesting as I twisted the cable around my hand into a tight little knot. This simple act had been so deeply ingrained into my muscle memory, that it took no thought at all. How many cables had I done the same act to? For a moment I was brought back to Gilford High School, where I worked my summers, even before the kayak shop... Then suddenly I was brought back into the reality that was today. I was packing my desk, for terms that I'm not at liberty to say. I looked down at my phone, reading the text from my Mom to inform me they were now on the road. I peered across the room at Benoit, laughing and saying some goodbyes. So much can change in such a short amount of time, and today I found myself at yet another tipping point in my life. Yet it wasn't just a tipping point for me, but for many and nothing would be the same after today. For better or worse, certain things had been set into motion and now were irreversible.

This road is familiar to me now, while you can never tell where it's going, sometimes you have to have faith that it's leading you in the right direction. Sometimes the bumpiest segments can lead to the best places. The Knees have left Moultonborough, my parents have started their journey west to Arizona, Benoit has finished his internship and starts his studies once more, a friend from Burlington has decided to make a big move, and as for me... well I was really hoping I could be writing some answers down here, but I can't. I still have many unanswered questions, but a hidden trail has opened on my path... and for now I'm hoping to take it a while to see where it goes...

If it's for better or worse, I cannot tell. I can only have faith that things will work out in the end, and hopefully by the end of this day I will know if my future lies in Montreal or elsewhere.In any case, I'll be alright :)