It's all about the journey... Post GIVIT

I see how much I miss childhood and how much I actually enjoy it. There are so many things I could say about this past week, but nothing can really sum it up. It was pretty great, so great that I feel as though I'm at a lost now that it is over. As enthusiastic as I had been about my job has somewhat left me since this week, and the thoughts of going back depress me. I already miss the kids, as tiring as they can be, I just can't get enough of them. I think a major part of this past week was that it was a learning experience on both sides, obviously the campers were learning more about technology and stuff but I do feel as though they may have learned some things about.... hmmm.... trying to think about it, I can't put a name on it. I don't want to say life or how to act or even play but it's something about learning more about ourselves is really what I'm trying to say. We went to go see Walle and afterwards us, the RA's, loved the movie... and some kids were in a stage where it isn't "cool" to like a rated G movie. Yet when they heard us talking about it, they sort of admitted that it was alright =) Yet we are all big kids really, and I'm realizing that more and more. I'd have to say that the final days of camp were the greatest, kids had finally gotten out of their shells and that's when I felt like I had the most camaraderie with many of the students. I'll admit I was completely flattered by one student, who very much considered themselves a "mini-wes." For some reason I felt drawn to talk to him, and I just so wanted to talk to him about... life I guess in order to pass on some sort of wisdom. Yet in all reality he didn't need it, and I didn't enter into this talk with him. Instead I let him take sunglasses that he had grown quite accustomed to wearing, on the promise that he'd wear them on his next big adventure... Being a foreign exchange student in Japan. It's all about the journey... no?

I'm very definitely on my own journey, and for much of the time I'm unsure of the path but I think that it'll be ok. I've noticed one thing about this path I'm on, I've grown really accustomed to working in small groups, on a tight deadline, tackling an interesting challenge or question in order to present it in an interactive way. I found myself in another rapid production cycle with the kids in the last day while we got their presentations ready for their parents. It was another "ah-ha!" moment for me as I realized this. It's weird how second nature it all felt, is this what I am to do? It feels pretty right... I just don't know how it translates.

Life's hard... I'm receiving a lot of pressure to work on my portfolio, yet ambition has been hard. I work hard all school year, and not having homework for at least a little while has been refreshing. I think a few things have added to this, part of it is that I've come to terms that this is probably not what I'll be doing for the rest of my life, and two I do think I've taken a bit more stock in life lately. I missed a lot this year, experienced a lot for sure, but to slow down... that's nice. I don't need to run through my journey, and wonder what I missed in the end. I felt as though I sort of sprinted this last year past, and well... I'm taking a moment I guess. Maybe in a week or so I can start some more work, time will tell.

My last concern is that I know that I talk a lot about how I think that things will be ok, and well it's something that someone at Digital Now said that has got me worried. She said that my generation is over-confident and that we always expect a safety net. At the time I thought it was preposterous, but now I'm not so sure. Am I guilty of this?

check out this year's givit stuff here

I was apart of team Schmoozers and We Are Legend

GIVIT Day Three, The Journey

I can see where I've been and how things have changed. Working with the students of GIV these past few days have been more then just fun, it's been somewhat enlightening. It seems as though they've come at a perfect time in my life, weird to think about, but as I enter my Senior year here at Champlain I've been doing a lot of thinking ahead and hadn't really thought about how far I've gotten. As much as I'm helping these kids, they’re helping me too. It's weird to think that it has been three to five years since I was in their shoes, when it feels like yesterday. They all have hopes and aspirations and are just looking for their voice, I think, and I've been trying my best to only share my experiences and not necessarily push Champlain in any way. I believe it really needs to be their decision, and I can only talk about what I've experienced, but talking about these experiences has been somewhat weird... I've been all over the place these past few years and well dang... it's been pretty awesome to see how things have went.
I have to talk about the John Cohn presentation yesterday night, once again the man is a genius. He did some experiments with electricity that was just fantastic. More then just the experiments, though, was just his sense of humor. He's just so funny, that everything he does is over the top, and then when he's launching rice crispies through a cannon it's all the better. Alicia decided he’s a mix between Billy Nye the Science Guy and Willy Wonka… I’d have to agree. He made some really good points though at the end, and I forget his exact wording, but it was something about how no matter what you do create, challenge, experiment, and have fun. This doesn't only apply to us gamers, it should really apply to any field, except accounting... they shouldn't get creative or they get in trouble we decided.
I'm at a loss of words as to what to write about, there have been many great experiences these past few days and it just keeps getting better as these kids come more and more out of their shells. I know I can be a bit ecentric, and over the top, but I hope I'm still being a good role model.

It's also really nice to work with Ann a little closer again, and with some of the talks we've been having, I'm very anxious for the fall =)

It's all about the journey my friend...

GIVIT Day One... The changing view of the industry

I see the mailable, inquisitive, and innocent mind of youth. Today has been pretty interesting with the introduction of the week long camp entitled "Governor's Institute of Vermont: Information Technology." It's interesting to see the wide variety of youth attending this camp, we not only have the "typical" e-gamer crowd, we also have athletes and those who know extremely little about computers or technology; yet they all have something in common... They want to learn. It's kind of cool talking with a lot of these kids because I can see that they are analyzing games a lot like I used to, and they just feed off of our impute on mechanics and insight into the industry. Basically being able to see eye-to-eye and really geek out, has been really fun=)

It was so much fun at Dinner today being able to have some pretty in depth conversations about game mechanics and the "possibilities" of the industry. This all really confirms another hypothesis I've had... Everything is going to change, a flaky hypothesis I know, and I also know it's inevitable but hear me out. So many of the kids in my degree program and the incoming students in the program beneath me, all have this urge to change things. We can see where the medium can go, and can tell that it can be so much more. It's very exciting... Games are going to become much much more, things that we can't possibly imagine yet.

Other than that things have just been very hectic for me and I'm currently blogging during a session my group is attending about "virtual shopping," I have pretty bad Internet at my place so this will be probably when I go online for the most part.

One last thought before I go... I was giving one student a pretty hard time, because in a game we were playing earlier today called "Werewolf" he opted to kill me thinking that I may be the werewolf. He kept asking me how he could make it up to me, and I was telling him that he couldn't it was going to be a long week. In which he retorted,

"Oh! Well come over to my room later I've got some Coke!"

You can probably tell where my mind went, and sort of asked, "Excuse me?" In which he nervously began to correct himself explaining that he meant Coca Cola. Beyond thinking that this was incredibly funny, it's an interesting look about how our minds used to work. Remember when foods and other consumables used to be a commodity? Like candy or soda? Dang to see the world simpler again would be amazing... to be unphased and untainted by media and culturalization. Another example of my thoughts from last night... =)

Growing up dulls the fantasy...

I see the differences growing up can make... These are just a few thoughts I had last night, but it was way too late for me to start blogging and so I must do so now. Last night I went to go see "The Fall," I had no clue what was in store for me, a friend of mine recently came back up to Burlington to work Governor's Institute with me this next week and he really wanted to go see it. I thought it'd be fun if I didn't watch any trailers or anything and just went, and I'm really happy I did. This movie blew me away in many respects, but mainly it was the main character, a five year old girl, who just really was amazing. I'm not sure how to describe this movie, but the best way to describe the concept is of seeing life through a young child's mind. Seeing not only how they interpret the world around them but the stories they are told by adults, adding in this own imagery based on their experiences. It was just really fantastic, and it brought me back reminiscing about Peter Pan and believing in the unbelievable. I try hard sometimes to see into life a little differently, see the wonder in the world around me, but I think I've lost some of that "fantasticalness" especially when it comes to my art. Mainly this all got me thinking heavily on the game that Lauren and I are going to create next year, and the fact that perhaps we can really exaggerate reality much much more with this game, to make it as interesting as possible... I've got some ideas =)

I was further encouraged by my hypothesis that growing up dulls childhood fantasy and awe in the world, during my walk home. No sooner had we left the theater did we encounter not one but two separate couples in a heated inebriated debate. Continuing with the walk home we passed several stumbling people attempting to make their way home, a house party, and a guy peeing in the bushes next to the sidewalk. This sort of experience just kind of made me laugh at reality a little bit, and allowed me to take a step back. It's interesting how so much can change... Wish me luck we start GIV today

Take what you can... and jump... hell risk it all.

I see myself taking leaps, as though it's instinctual by now. I talked a little before about how sometimes I feel as though you have to go out on the deep end, and really just go for something. Perhaps I didn't talk about how there's always a risk involved, but in the end isn't the risk what makes things worth while? I'm very tired, I'll admit it. These weeks are wearing my thin, it's not only the fact that I'm working ten hour days, it's that in this work time I am constantly thinking and doing things. Don't take this as me complaining about doing things, quite the contrary, I need to be productive, but sometimes in my groups I feel as though I'm the only one doing things. I've found that people get distracted extremely easily in the gaming lab and I just find it frustrating. With little sleep and long days, the ends of the week always seems to be the hardest. It's basically because my humor goes down hill =) But I know it'll pick back up again by next week.
So yea taking leaps... We got impute today from both the CIMIT guys and the AA guys, for most of the CIMIT conference call I was still working on a presentation so I sort of missed that. What I'm really interested in is the conversation we had with AA this week. I'm not gunna lie... I've been fairly nervous about this feedback. Mainly it's because I have so much invested into this map, that it's become my baby of sorts =) Any negative feedback feels like it would have been negative against me... Although I was sort of surprised by the feedback we got. Granted it was not completely positive... One of the main issues they had was with our design document, which I haven't had a hand in and well the person that was heading that recently left our group. So I wasn't too surprised there, the AA guys were still concerned with a specific part of my map... Their concerns were curious though because it really makes me wonder if they have tried the map out, or just kind of looked at it. Either way I have already come up with an idea that I think they'll be happy with. The final things they said were the most powerful though, they really like the concept, they were excited that we are really trying something different. They believed that it would blend well with the maps that have already been created but also stands out well enough because it's not like any of their other maps, and what it came down to was if we can "pull it off" we may have one of the most unique and interesting maps available! This completely thrills me! Whereas the other group has a solid concept and pretty much an approved map, it pretty much blends in with what has been done before. If you were to ask me if I'd rather be in the safe bet or the risky one, I'd most definitely say the risk in this situation. I don't believe it's an "if" we can pull it off, it's a when =) Once again I'm taking a leap of faith in myself and my team.

A couple more thoughts from this previous week before I go to bed... This past week started with a fairly serious conversation with Ray about how I should be working on assets when I'm not at work so I can boost my portfolio. In all reality I really do appreciate his concern and he does genuinely want me to succeed in the future, but the sort of stuff he was telling me just kind of intimidated me. The whole concept of the future and really "growing up" scares me... I had a moment of doubt, an unsettling feeling about the unknown in my future and the lack of faith that my skills as an artist will carry me. Then someone I haven't really spoken to in a long while reached out to me. If you remember my post in April called "A little thing thing my make a big difference," well "Al" left me a sort of inspiring message. It didn't say much but it didn't have to, it did enough to remind me of the influence I can have and have had on people. Although I doubt certain aspects of my future career I can't help but feel like everything is going to be alright, in one way or another... The funny thing is, since I was very little I've always thought that someday I was going to do something big. I was never sure what but I really wanted to have an impact on people. Looking back at my life in a nut shell I think I've been able to touch quite a few lives in my 21 years of existence. I don't have to hope that I'll continue to do so in the future, I just plain know. It's who I am, and it's sort of comforting to know one's self.


The final thought of the night... I had some interesting conversations earlier today with a recently graduated senior. I was very cautious of him at first because I was just never sure where I stood with him. It's pretty well known that the seniors really got the shaft on a lot of things in regards to the degree and it almost felt as though he may be somewhat bitter that I've had so many opportunities though the EMC in this past year alone. I'm tentative to say I've deserved them, I just feel as though that's pompass and I'm sure others could have done a better job. Yet I've worked very hard to get where I'm at, and I don't think I'm going to feel sorry for taking advantage of the opportunities I have had. I've also just finished watching Pirates of the Caribbean 3, and a quote from Sparrow left me thinking...

"Take what you can...

Give nothing back..."

I almost agree... I agree that we should take what we can, it may sound selfish but you live but one life, as far as we know. Yet if you have the capability to give something back, I feel as though you should. It doesn't have to be directly related to anything in particular, giving back can be helping a friend in need, being there for someone, inspiring someone else, doing something in your community, or just being a good person. I can't say my moral compass is set to true north, but we all do what we can and that's all that should matter.

I'll never forget this year, and hope that the ride continues. I had always though the journey helps one to figure out who they truely are, and I think I'm finding myself a little more all the time.

I was a happy kid... and continue to be

I see that for the most part I remain optimistic about a lot of things... I was a happy kid, or so I'm told, and I think that through thick and thin that has translated into who I am today. I think I do complain quite a bit, and can be negative at times for sure, but in the back of my mind I think I always have a positive demeanor. I started thinking about this some this week when a group member mentioned something about our America's Army team, and how it felt that really anyone could be doing this and the only thing we had on anyone else was some conversation with the AA guys. This really kind of irked me in a way, this sort of negativity just kind of bugs me. When people are negative about certain things I seem to have a reaction of "well either do something about it, or you don't have to be here." This typically refers to negative comments about Champlain, I don't care what anyone says the school isn't out to "screw us over." We choose to be here too, just as we chose to be on this team. Getting back to my point though, I find that I certainly do have off days where I'm not in the best of moods, but I really do think I'm sort of a happy person. Which is a different way of viewing myself as of late. I think for a long while at the end of my teen years I was fairly negative about a lot of things, and well things sort of feel "right" right now. Sort of like I've gone full circle in some ways.

This may sound weird but I do think this may relate to a post I made earlier about "The Secret," I've typically been positive about a lot of things and whenever I don't have much of a doubt... good things seem to happen. Does this positive attitude steer my life in the right direction? Does it bring good things my way? I don't really know for sure, but I do think it's a healthy way of living =)




I was feeling pretty noble in NY this past year, I just find this to be a funny picture because of the business guy behind me haha... Oh ps... my hair is much shorter now... nothing major to include in my blog but just thought I'd share haha

Just Jump...

I see that following your gut and taking chances, at times, have the best reward. Watching a movie recently reminded me of this, and really got me thinking about how I've taken some leaps in my life and continue to do so. I can only hope that in the future I'll be brave enough to continue this trend.

Things are going pretty well on my end for the most part... I'm somewhat exhausted, having gone home this past weekend to work, only to return to Burlington this week to work some more. Going home was good for me though, it's been some time since I've been home and doing what I typically do during the summer was somewhat refreshing. I had been somewhat nervous to return to the kayak shop, but in all reality it came back like I had never really left. It's funny how part of town have very much become my home, and other parts never really made the cut.

It was really nice returning to Burlington though, finding my new roommate had cleaned and even went out and had bought enough groceries to fill our kitchen! To be welcomed back with a smiling face was also pretty awesome. What was hard about coming back was actually work this week. CIMIT has just become somewhat grueling for me, and wreaks havoc on my brain only for me to jump straight from that to America's Army... where I most definitely have to be thinking, I don't mean to sound pretentious but I can't help but feel if I don't think others may not pick up the slack. It's hard feeling like I can't have an "off day" but I'm doing fairly well. I had some issues with parts of my group on Monday when I confronted them about not showing up to our mandatory meeting last Friday, and found myself almost playing "Dad." Feeling as though I'm scolding my kids... It's equally frustrating and nice that they rely so heavily on me. I find that each member of my team asking me at some point about what they should be working on and my opinion of their work. Joel (our producer) even approached me on Tuesday to thank me for stepping up on Monday and confronting the group, and at times I feel as though he feels the need to check in as well. It's weird feeling like I'm producing the producer and all the while trying to get my stuff done.

One person, though, seems disconnected from the group... to be honest I think he's sore because we didn't end up picking his level design, since then I can't help but feel like his efforts go towards changing our design or looking for a new job. I get the feeling he won't be happy unless we're doing "his thing," and as it is now it's fairly obvious that he doesn't want to be there. I missed a confrontation he had with Joel today, I was in the bathroom odd enough time for this to happen, which resulted in him leaving for the day. I'm still not exactly sure what it was about, but I have a pretty good idea. Some members of the group expressed their sympathy for him, yet even though I could see where they were coming from... I still had a hard time feeling sorry for him. Maybe I've become cynical but I just feel as though he hasn't really provided good arguments for his designs and hasn't tried to critique or add to the pre-existing design. I don't know... I just wish he was more involved in the group, if he was I feel like I'd be more apt to hear him out. As is though I can't and am not sure if he'll really attempt to re-join the group. Although this is an issue for Joel to handle, I've told him that if he needs to talk I'd talk with him about possible solutions, but I do think it'd be inappropriate coming from me directly.

Other than that, things have been going really well =) I'm fairly busy but that is to be expected of me. Always learning, leading, and striving forward I suppose... G'night

Staying the course...

I see that I cannot escape leadership and how the way things could be...

It's been a while since I posted and quite a bit has happened. Mainly I attended the Snelling Center conference at Champlain, which for all intensive purposes provided some interesting discussion. Yet I can't help but want to talk about our America's Army production group. Last week was the first real productive week, I found myself immediately engrossed in the conceptual phase. I was somewhat disheartened to see that some of the fellow designers in my group weren't quite as adamant about it as I was. I was happy to see some great impute from Mike and Trevor though, they had some great impute and by the end of the day I had thirteen pages worth of different map concepts. By the end of the week Tim had produced a map for us to consider, and we also looked at a map that I had conceptualized and was, by far, my favorite. My map was picked to continue on in our group, I was extremely happy about this, but also felt sort of bad for Tim, who now had to write the design document for it...

Within my group I'm merely a 3D Artists by title, one of three actually, by I found that I had a much different role this week. I found myself setting the course for this map, and it was a very different feeling. Seeing others in my group using my sketches and building "my map" just felt really cool! In all reality, it's not just my map, it's our map, but I can't help but feel ownership over it. While going through and creating a massive art asset list, which will be used later by Mike, Sean, and possibly Elkin to populate our world I kept getting interrupted by my group... which was great! Elkin (our programmer) had some serious questions about proportion and wanted to know what I thought, Mike was building our first house and wanted some impute in that area as well, and to my surprise Sean even asked for my impute on the terrain he was building for the map. All the while I was still working on lighting and such, I feel like such an intricate member of the group and it just makes me feel very good. I don't want to sound like I'm bragging but GAH it's awesome! It's neat to be able to not only conceptualize the map, but continue on in the design of it. In all reality, everyone could take their section and run with it... Hell the designers could have taken it away and developed their own concept while writing the design doc. Yet it has very much stayed mine... which makes me incredibly nervous for this phone conference we'll be having with the guys from AA tomorrow! I just really hope they like it, nearly as much as we do.

Keeping all of this in mind, I can't help but feel like this is where I want to be in the industry... I wasn't sure a position like this existed until I saw a video documentary about the new Warhammer online video game. The guy talking was the "Creative Producer" on the project. Basically it kind of sounded like what I've been doing with this assignment, sort of the idea man. Working with everyone to ensure that the vision is being followed and even though delegating and leading, is very much still a member of the team. I'm not quite sure how to explain it, but I not only want to be able to come up with an art direction but since working with Lauren I've really enjoyed having a hand in the design as well. This seems to be the best of both words I feel. Anyways, I'm very enthused, very excited, and very happy that my group has sort of placed me in this leadership role.

I've also been able to think a little more about Lauren's and my senior production class game and was able to make some pretty good renders of my glowy Dragon Fly, which I just love =) I'll try to figure out how to embed flash later and I'll upload a good video of them flying around.